Have Dreams, Will Travel

2011-07-03T22:43:00.001+08:00

Come and make my heart Your home

Come and be everything I am and all I know
Search me through and through
Until my heart becomes a home for You

A home for You oh
Home for You oh

Let everything I do open up a door
For You to come through
Then my heart would be a place
Where You wanna be

'Til my heart becomes a home for You

2011-06-05T01:24:00.002+08:00

i just watched the movie hangover, thinking it was going to be a funny movie cos i heard someone in the lift in ttsh say she was laughing non stop during the movie. it was NOT a good movie. i hated myself after watching it cos it's like a sin movie man. argh. i asked God to forgive me really for not stopping myself halfway into the movie. feel so grossed out now. then i realised some lessons i drew from this:

1) we are all sinners. i've actually stopped repenting of sins for awhile, thinking i'm OK in the area of sin. but i realised today, we must realise that God's standard of holiness is so high, and we are called to repent of our sins and ask for forgiveness. Brokenness is so impt in our walk. the moment we think we are ok before God, that we don't need his grace and mercy, that's the moment we start becoming like the pharisees and becoming lukewarm and drifting away from God.

2) The world is really fallen. i felt so gross after watching the movie and i guess i grasp abit of why God would want to destroy the whole human race during noah's time. when there's all sorts of sexual debauchery and sin and crazy stuff. the human race just messed up big time. We must be in the world but not of the world. there are clear values and principles that we must live by as christians and be SET APART. john 17:1-18

as christians we cannot afford to start compromising and drift into worldliness in our language, our values, our thought life. we must resolve not to sin against God. but we will fail, and we must realise that it's all because of God's grace and mercy that we can come to Him. We must have that posture of brokenness and humility. we cannot be sinless, but we can sin less. that's growing in maturity and growing deeper in God.

2011-05-10T21:40:00.000+08:00

We pray for wisdom, Your voice to hear
We cry in anger when we cannot feel You near
We doubt Your goodness, we doubt Your love
As if every promise from Your Word is not enough

And all the while You hear each desperate plea
And long that we'd have faith to believe

Cause what if Your blessings come through raindrops
What if Your healing comes through tears?
And what if a thousand sleepless nights
Are what it takes to know You're near?

And what if trials of this life
Are Your mercies in disguise?

2011-04-04T14:37:00.002+08:00

My son, if you receive my words
and treasure up my commandments with you,
making your ear attentive to wisdom
and inclining your heart to understanding;
yes, if you call out for insight
and raise your voice for understanding,
if you seek it like silver
and search for it as for hidden treasures,
then you will understand the fear of the Lord
and find the knowledge of God.

Prov 2: 1-5

"The quest for wisdom requires a concerted effort, patient application and dogged perseverance shown by miners as they tunnel under the earth to extract silver ore and other precious metals (see Job 28:1-11). Neither silver ore nor wisdom is got in a day, or got without industry; but for miner and student alike, the prize is worth the toil. Fools have no discipline or patience to learn wisdom. He thinks he can shop around for wisdom, and expects to pick it up pre-packaged and neatly wrapped – a bit like thinking that listening to the Sunday sermon is all it takes. Unfortunately, very much of today’s Christian spirituality is “MacDonald spirituality”, “instant spirituality”, “three-in-one spirituality”, and a spirituality that can be cooked in the spiritual microwave oven in just a few minutes. Many Christians today are looking for this kind of spirituality.
Obtaining spiritual wisdom isn't a once-a-week hobby; it is the daily discipline of a lifetime. But in this age of microwave ovens, fast foods, digests, and numerous “made easy” books, many people are out of the habit of daily investing time and energy in digging deep into Scripture and learning wisdom from the Lord." - CEFC's proverbs devotional.

How can we have a fresh fear of the Lord? It is to dig deep into His word, not a superficial glancing, but a deep meditation and study on what God is saying in His Word.. It is so easy to say but so hard to apply! i think that Prayer and the Word is the fundamental starting point we all need to go back to. To deliberately and intentionally make time for prayer and a dogged study of His Word.. We need to go back to basics over and over again, that is the key to revival i think..

2011-03-25T00:02:00.002+08:00

"I wrote this book because much of our talk doesn't match our lives. We say things like, 'i can do all things through Christ who strengthens me,' and 'trust in the Lord with all your heart.' Then we live and plan like we don't believe God even exists. We try to set our lives up so everything will be fine even if God doesn't come through. But true faith means holding nothing back. It means putting every hope in God's fidelity to His promises." - Francis Chan

"The end of life is not to be happy nor to achieve pleasure and avoid pain, but to do the will of God, come what may." - MLKjr

"Better to love God and die unknown than to love the world and be a hero; better to be content with poverty than to die a slave to wealth; better to have taken some risks and lost than to have done nothing and succeeded at it; better to have lost some battles than to have retreated from the war; better to have failed when serving God than to have succeeded when serving the devil. What a tragedy to climb the ladder of success , only to discover that the ladder was leaning against the wrong wall!" - Erwin Lutzer

I wonder in my current moment of fatigue, stress, busyness, how do i live this out. How on earth do i live this? I dunno how... Should i study less and relax, so called knowing God is in control? should i study less and read the bible more? should i study less and spend more time with God? Should i study more and study very hard and compromise my time with God because passing this exam is God's will for me? Or perhaps it's study hard, and set aside time with God? What is the godly way to go about dealing with an exam so intense and massive as this? Or am i asking the wrong question....

actually maybe i'm asking the wrong question... this is life, it's all of it. Annie Dillard wrote that the way we live out our days is the way we live our lives, MBBS or not. so perhaps, even though this is a busy season, a specific or even special season of my life where it's so intense, i need to live it still as a day lived unto the Lord. I need to trust in His provision, trust in His hand over me, that He is good, that He is in control and He has a purpose for my life. That should translate to a joy inside me, even when stress abounds. It should also translate to a peace in me that surpasses all understanding, anchored in the God of the universe. It should also translate to a meaningful work and effort, to do the best for my exam as this is what God has laid before me at this moment in my life. It is, believe it or not. This is God's will for my life at this pt in time. So do my best unto God. And at the end of the day, life is a journey, we are but pilgrims passing through. What is God saying through all this? What is God teaching me. What is God revealing about Himself to me. I need to reflect on that and be more sensitive to what God is saying and revealing. Perhaps a quiet musing of the spirit's movement as what i read in my bible study material.

But at the end of the day, not just a form of personal therapy, but so that these experiences in my life transform me into christ-likeness for the great commission of making disciples fired by the great commandment to love God with all of what i am...

2011-03-07T15:34:00.003+08:00

The disciple of Christ must determine to have higher principles and deeper resolves which focus on God's eternal mission rather than on fleeting successes based on superficial goals and marginal objectives.... ahhh i want that for my life.. so easy to say but so not easy to live..

2011-02-14T20:30:00.002+08:00

I was reading the Straits Times, and read an article about this old man, 81 years old, who married this lady, 70 years old, when they met at the AWWA shelter, something like an old folks shelter.. They hold hands when they cross the road, and they go grocery shopping together and even fool around like putting plastic bags over their heads. Just this year, they celebrated their one year wedding anniversary by going to KFC. They say they only go there on special occasions. i was like wow... They get so much joy from going to KFC.. for an anniversary dinner.. i reflected on it and i think when your life is simple, when you don't have much, you find joy from simple things. ok perhaps not everyone, but somehow, little things in life are joyful.. When you are rich, paradoxically, it seems to make things more complicated, and it becomes harder to find joy in the simple things in life. perhaps, the rich are really not that much happier than the poor, and perhaps the poor are even better off living a simple life and enjoying the simple things in life.

there's much else to say, but perhaps one of the most ignored lesson in the world is, why do the rich have so much problems and why are so many rich people so unhappy. Did they not all think in their strive towards wealth that money was gonna make them happy, yet so many people reach there and find an even bigger void in their lives. I hope that no matter whether i become rich or poor, i will be rich in the Kingdom of God. I will not get awestruck by $$, but learn stewardship, and recognise that i'm a pilgrim on a journey. I hope i serve God and not money. Maybe being rich isn't that great an idea cos it's so hard for the rich to enter the kingdom of God because it becomes harder to give up everything for God. So ok maybe if i become rich i hope i learn stewardship and learn to give it all away for God's kingdom.

On a side note, it's funny how a poor old couple abandoned by their family, living in an elderly shelter, can become the envy (I'm sure) of many people.. Life is really funny. I hope i will learn to enjoy the simple things in life too.

On a side note from the side note, this is a post from Covenant's Women Ministry. I believe it works for both guys and girls:

How can you discern if this guy/girl is God's will for you? This is the million dollar question that many singles are asking. May I humbly suggest 4 essential indicators:

1. Similar spiritual quest, focus and mission in life
2. Mutual attraction and chemistry
3. Possessing a lasting quality of true character and faithful loyalty towards each other
4. Mentally stimulating and challenging

So ladies, it's not just a guy who buys you a nice diamond ring(or a handcrafted ring) or brings you on a nice romantic date.. It's so much more than that..

2011-02-13T23:43:00.000+08:00

Got this from SJSM's website:

"It is easy to get muddled about that. It is easy to think that the Church has a lot of different objects — education, building, missions, holding services...The Church exists for nothing else but to draw men to Christ, to make them little Christs. If they are not doing that, all the cathedrals, clergy, missions, sermons, even the Bible itself, are simply a waste of time. God became Man for no other purpose."

If the church understands her mission, her ministry will be shaped in that direction too.

— C.S. Lewis in "Mere Christianity"

Wow, i fully agree!

2011-02-05T11:21:00.003+08:00

i better blog about this funny thing before i forget:

yesterday at my grandma's place, i was eating my food at the dining table, and my young cousin who is 10 years old plus was playing with her hp. My 3rd uncle came and joined us. He is a big sized, tall and dark gentleman. You could imagine him as one of the gangsters from a Chow Yun Fatt movie. He sat down and asked my little cousin whether she has any nice songs in her hp. He went on to explain that his hp ringtone very soft he wants some loud music as his ringtone. My little cousin said have and went to play some songs for him, which included taylor swift, kelly clarkson, all of which my 3rd uncle didn't know. Besides he said they were not very loud so not good for ringtone. He asked in chinese," got any songs by guy singer?" My cousin said,"ya i have one but don't know if you would like." i asked my cousin who, she said Justin Bieber.

Ha Ha Ha. i prepared myself for a big laugh.

So my cousin played the song Baby for my 3rd uncle to hear. halfway into the first verse, my uncle blurted out in chinese," Huh che ge shi nan de?? (this is a guy???)"

HAHAHA

2011-02-05T11:07:00.002+08:00

what does the church of Jesus Christ need? what is it's most pressing need?
Some would say prayer, some would say leadership, some would say love, some would say knowing His Word etc etc.
They are all correct (that's why i agree discipleship must be holistic), but do you realise they all come from one source: God!
The Church needs God, needs Christ, needs the Holy Spirit! we have removed God from our equation so subtlely, yet it is unmistakable. start from our personal relationship: is God IN our lives? Are we so in love with God? Are we genuinely in love with God, or perhaps the notion of God or some abstract concept. Do we KNOW GOD AND LOVE HIM. John Piper asks,

"If you could have heaven, with no sickness, and with all the friends you ever had on earth, and all the food you ever liked, and all the leisure activities you ever enjoyed, and all the natural beauties you ever saw, all the physical pleasures you ever tasted, and no human conflict or natural disasters, could you be satisfied with heaven, if Christ was not there?"

How many of us will read those words and say," You know I just might be okay with that"?

we so desperately need to love God with all our hearts, soul, mind, strength, everything. We need to ask God to come again. come Lord Jesus come..

I believe the first step is humbling ourselves, praying and seeking God, being open to just stop and think and ask what are we doing. Are we following Christ? are we listening to God, following Him? or are we just following a set way of doing things, doing a set of activities, all these masquerading as an authentic relationship with God.
2 Chr 7:14

Much reflection and prayer needed!

2011-02-04T00:07:00.003+08:00

It is not scientific doubt, not atheism, not pantheism, not agnosticism, that in our day and in this land is likely to quench the light of the gospel. It is a proud, sensuous, selfish, luxurious, church-going, hollow-hearted prosperity.

2011-01-10T23:28:00.002+08:00

I was watching this hillsong video and in there someone said sth that struck me.
"Everybody can talk, talk is cheap. You think that all the authority and and all the preaching must come from the pulpit. That is not true! It comes from the life of those who choose to follow Jesus Christ."
It's true man. Perhaps that's one of the big things that plague the modern church. Too much talk with too little application.

What then is needed? Prayer? Worship? Knowledge of His Word? Social justice? Evangelism? Missions? Community? Fellowship?
I agree with the view that discipleship must be holistic.

(adapted from sermon by Edmund Chan) :
Foundational Purpose of the church is to glorify God. Matt 6:33 Seek first His Kingdom and His righteousness.
-our foundational purpose is rooted in a living, transforming relationship with Him.

therefore steadfast Priority is to make disciples.
- Matt 28:18-20
Disciplemaking is God's strategy to win the World for Him.

Therefore we must have a personal Passion that grows us. 1 Cor 9:24
Run in such a way that you may win!
Passion is not what you believe in, it's about acting upon what you believe in, it's seen in your sacrifice!

the same question, what then is needed for us as a modern day 21st century Church?
i think it's authentic discipleship, intentional disciplemaking.

on a personal level then, what do i need?

1. A fresh vision of who God is.
2. A fresh passion for God
3. Fresh revelation from God.
4. REVIVAL!

2010-11-28T09:37:00.002+08:00

Something i emailed to my sch friends:

Hello friends! you know lately i've been feeling a mixed of emotions, a lot of ups and downs, feelings of being sian and stressed, happy, thankful, ungrateful, gossipy, whatever, like a whole plethora of emotions and i'm struggling to find my anchor in God.

I listened to this sermon my good friend recommended to me and i'm really quite shaken out again. like what am i living for...... do i want to see the lost come to know God... what does my heart ache for... and the one great thing i really struggle so badly with is how i am absolutely terrified of sharing the gospel with my grandma, or my relatives. like during the sermon as i listened i was like mannn.. how in the world can i share the gospel with them. i can't i can't i can't i can't... and i wished God would just do sth..

But i guess the starting point is perhaps realising it's not what we do but what God does, but really whether i would empty myself for them, whether i would stand in the gap for them.. and the same thought goes when we think of all our medicine friends.. like through playhouse, i've come to interact with so many people for perhaps the first few times in med sch. and then more than just getting thru playhouse so i can study for MBBS, perhaps the qn is whether my heart aches for the lost, whether i love these people, whether i care about them..

and honestly the question is no.. i don't really really care about them i just wanna get on with my revision get on with this playhouse and perhaps just make some friends along the way kinda thing... that's the ugly truth about my heart and as i think about it and listened to this sermon i'm reminded again that i've to check my heart. i've to check where i'm at.. and i've to ask God to give me the courage to love, the courage to be emptied, the courage to really stand in the gap, to reach out, all at the risk of looking like a fool for Christ. and i don't like looking like a fool which is why i really need the courage from God...
and i guess that courage really comes from a deep walk with God and a deep love for Him, and to experience His love for us. To know that we are called by named and that we are chosen by God, that nothing can separate us from His love and that he loves us so much He died for us..

That's what it's all about i think, and i think i'm getting a glimpse of the big picture better but i am so stiff and self-conscious and perhaps too shy with people i don't know that well(debatable) i need a lot of God's love and ya i really need a lot of that.. need a lot of tarrying in His presence and to know Him, before i can even fathom emptying myself for my brothers, or for the lost..
so please pray for me and please encourage me, and of course let's pray for each other and encourage one another, ohh and since this sounds like hebrews 10 let me quote it Hebrews 10:22 let us draw near to God with a sincere heart in full assurance of faith, having our hearts sprinkled to cleanse us from a guilty conscience and having our bodies washed with pure water. Let us hold unswervingly to the hope we profess for he who promised is faithful. and let us consider how we may spur one another on toward love and good deeds. Let us not give up meeting together, as some are in the habit of doing, but let us encourage one another - and all the more as you see the Day approaching.

the link for the sermon is below hope it'll encourage u and perhaps realign our perspectives to God again... Let's live for Him and go all the way for Him..

http://www.desiringgod.org/resource-library/conference-messages/think-hard-stay-humble-the-life-of-the-mind-and-the-peril-of-pride

2010-11-17T10:10:00.001+08:00

The greatest hindrance to the cause of Christ is the nominal Christian.’ - Stanley Smith

2010-10-30T10:54:00.001+08:00

"This is my dilemma:

I am dust and ashes, frail and wayward,

a set of predetermined behavioural responses,

riddled with fears, beset with needs,

the quintessence of dust,

and unto dust I shall return.

But there is something else in me.

Dust I may well be,

but troubled dust, dust that dreams,

dust that has strange premonitions

of transfiguration,

of a glory in store,

a destiny prepared,

an inheritance that will one day be my own.

So my life is stretched out

in a painful dialectic between ashes and glory,

between weakness and transfiguration.

I’m a riddle unto myself,

an exasperating enigma,

this strange duality of dust and glory."
- Richard Holloway

Came across this during connect cell and went to find out who wrote it. strangely, this person has left the church and taken on and atheist worldview.. But, John Stott likes the way he describes the human condition, or humanity, and i like it too.. we are an exasperating enigma. haha.

2010-10-11T22:12:00.003+08:00

What will i do when my RJ PE T shirts disintegrate! what will i wear at home.. since wearing the RJ PE t shirts at home, as well as my chinese high singlets, nothing else has come close in terms of the level of comfort, and i guess pride. haha. what will i do when i'm 30 years old and these t shirts have dissolved into the washing machine. what will i wear..........

anyway, i'm so thankful i have a 2 week study break! the next time i ever have a 2 week break, i'd have graduated from NUS(hopefully). haha okk i will hopefully have more meaningful thoughts to write about these 2 weeks..

2010-08-28T21:33:00.002+08:00

From last 3 Chapters of Jeremiah,
I think it tells us God is always in control, even when it seems all turmoil, suffering, things going awry, He is in control and His purposes will come to pass. In the midst of all these problems, maybe our response should be to search our hearts, ask whether we are still devoted to God, whether He is still Lord and our ONE consuming passion, then resolve to trust Him, to follow and obey His word, and love Him with all our hearts. The journey of life comes with all the struggles, problems, sianness, draws us closer to God. Life's disappointments is God's appointment. We must draw near to God and taste and see that He is good.
I learnt from the movie Step Up 3 that the journey is more important than the destination. The dancers wanted to win the world jam, but after they had won it, they realised it was the journey, of going thru trainings, hardships, problems, etc that brought all of them closer, cultivating love like a family between them. The win was just like a culmination of everything, but not the important bit. I think moose said something like to go through the journey is so much more important than to arrive.

Likewise in life, we never really do "arrive". it's the same in christianity. We never quite 'arrive' at our spiritual growth. It's always a journey, a learning process, with the goal being Christ likeness. Rom 8:28-30. Therefore, while we're on that journey, let us not miss the point of the journey. As Ryan so aptly put it, we're all on this journey, and the name of the journey is intimacy. I think, i'm in a strange part of my journey with God. I seem to be drifting in and out without a clear anchor. I really need to experience God's goodness, His love, to experience the joy of His presence again.. Like paul's prayer, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, to know this love that surpasses knowledge, that i may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God.

Anyway, so are you looking forward to your destination? your goal? thinking of how all these problems/struggles are getting in the way of your goal/destination. While first, re-examine whether ur goal/destination is what God has purposed for you. Then 2nd, learn to recognise that the problems/struggles is part of the journey, without which the destination has no purpose. The purpose of arriving is not that we arrive, but that we attain christ likeness. Ok la i'm like repeating myself unnecessarily, but i guess it's to stop praying God take me out of this problem, but God take me THROUGH this problem, that through it i may know you deeper, grow deeper, and in the words of O.L.Crain, inspire me to send my roots deep into the soil of life's enduring values, that i may grow toward the stars of my greater destiny.

at the end of the day, i can write all these inspiring stuff, but talk is cheap. It's when we apply it that our lives are really change. May we not just be hearers of the word(or even writers), but doers also.. It's not enough for me to just write all these out. the challenge is to live it..

2010-08-11T22:26:00.003+08:00

i'm sorry i have no time to blog!!! ahhh if u kept coming here hoping to read something meaningful i'm sorry i've been so busy.... and i am still busy. in any case.. i've been thinking about blogging stuff for quite long but i'm so busy. i'll just have a quick one.
On courtship:

If you are a committed Christian, meaning, you wanna follow Jesus. Truly die to yourself, take up your cross daily and follow Christ. Not just like the sleeping sunday christian. Meaning, an authentic follower of Jesus Christ. Then, you should find someone who's not just a Christian, but a committed Christian. And i find this really good. Does your potential boyfriend/girlfriend love God more than he/she love you? If you all were to get married, and then you suddenly die, would he/she be able to go on, or would he/she crumble and just collapse and cannot go on and like whole life wrecked alr. Someone told me he finds it really attractive if the girl loves God more than she loves him. And i agree. i would like such a girl. Meaning the girl truly loves God and puts God first. If you like someone now, or if you're thinking about dating someone that kinda stuff. Ask yourself, do you love God more than him/her? And ask yourself, does he/she love God more than you?

If he/she does, then it seems like everything else will fall into place. You will both choose to honour Him in your lives, and be able to honour one another too.. All other questions about whether should date now, should date later, should go out or not, should not go out, can we do this can we do that should be clearer... I think la..

2010-07-10T01:18:00.002+08:00

k on a blogging spree now.. i just came back from driving late at night i.e. 1230am.. last night i drove at like 2.30am... tmr morning i'm going to drive at 5.30am.. i love driving late at night.. i love driving early in the morning when all the world is sleeping.. just now as i was driving, i turned on 92.4fm... listening to classical music, cruising down the road with little cars, it's such a nice drive.. it's really enjoyable.. next time when i'm married, and when i'm bored, i would like to just go out driving at 1am or sth.. just drive to some place.. park the car... relax... then drive home.. when i was a little kid, i like to follow my mom to pick up my dad from office at like 10pm. i would take my bolster and blanket into the car and lie down on the back seat.. if i have children next time which i hope i do, maybe they will like to do that also...

So as i was enjoying my drive just now, i reflected a bit and thought wow i really am very very blessed. i have been given so many things. for one, i have parents. i have a home to live. i have a nice home to live in. i have a maid at home to help me. my parents are so supportive of me. i have an education. i am more or less financially ok.. i have the liberty to go out at 11pm to play soccer, to go out at 12am for supper with friends. i am pretty slack, i can relax here and then. i have a great group of friends, i have a best friend. i don't have a girlfriend. (haha what a blessing) i know God, i have a purpose in life. I am loved, i feel loved. I really am very very blessed. Then i think, i have been given so much by God, what am i going to do about it? I can actually be greedy, unappreciative, complainy. I can say wa lao my results in med sch not that good, i dun have an iphone, i dun have my own car, my room is quite ugly, my house is quite ugly, i dun have enough jeans, dun have enough nice shoes, the lighting in my house sucks, i dun have enough money to spend, i dun get to travel as often as i like, the food at home is not nice, my church have so many problems, etc etc etc... or i could really open my eyes and see how blessed i am and then think what am i going to do with what i've been given. Stewardship is all about using what God has given you in a responsible and God-fearing way. To those who have been given much, much will be expected.. The question for me is, what am i going to do with all this blessings. Am i going to ignore them and demand more, chase after more? Or am i going to really open my eyes and look around me, and see how i can then bless others. Maybe God blessed us so that we can bless others. Even in Singapore, there are so many who are not that blessed. I immediately think of the foreign workers and domestic workers. I wanna bless them. I really want to. I want to really practise this stewardship. I wanna put it into actions and not merely in words.... How about you? have you considered how blessed you are? What are you doing with what God has given you. Are you perpetually complaining about not having enough? The truly rich are those who have little yet give. The truly poor are those who have a lot yet do not want to give..

2010-07-09T18:52:00.002+08:00

I really really like this NDP song! As i was watching this, i really felt like a bit emotional during the starting part. I remember my primary school days, going for music classes by Mr Chew, who got so pissed with us he banged the piano haha. Then i remember going to sch, taking the bus home.. Hanging out with my friends around the neighbourhood. All these little seemingly insignificant events all culminating and making me the person I am today. I am also quite heartened by the multiracialism i see in Singapore. I actually believe Singapore is quite a multiracial place. We don't discriminate against races here. I mean there's always bound to be some form of racism, but broadly speaking, we are quite multiracial, and we see ourselves as multiracial. The scenes depicted in the video aren't unnatural. If we were to see them in our community, it would be natural. Like seeing the different races in HDB communities and stuff. We are really quite a multiracial place i feel. (although some might disagree, but then again those people seem to disagree with every good thing in singapore) Another place that displays multiracialism is the Hospitals. In our hospitals, i see chinese, malay, indian, fillipino nurses all coming together and really having a strong camaraderie, however u spell that word. They help each other, joke with one another, go out together.. I really like that. it's uniquely Singapore.

Whatever it is and whatever some people have said about Singapore, I believe it truly is a wonderful place... You can go on and on about the government, but seriously we have one of the best governments in the world la. Our transport is power, healthcare is definitely one of the best in the world, education is really not bad even though could be more broad based, economy is very good. Singapore is really not bad lor. I really love Singapore!!

2010-06-26T20:37:00.001+08:00

i just found sth on the net that made me LOL. there's this japanese soccer player keisuke Honda who played really well against denmark. So some comments on the net were like: My God who is this Honda Guy! and i saw one comment that said, Honda not that good la, Toyota better. Then some other person said, who's toyota? is he even a player?? then the other person said toyota is better, but toyota is always offside, cos Toyota: moving forward. LOLZZ.

2010-06-26T01:16:00.002+08:00

It is late at night on friday. i'm going to sleep now... days pass so fast. and, i realise that the heart really is very deceitful. our feelings for people can change so quickly, especially feelings of the heart. which is why, it's probably wise to hold off expressing our feelings, rather than expressing our feelings. what do you gain by expressing your feelings? only a self centered desire that the other person will reciprocate it back. sometimes i wonder, maybe the best time to tell someone you adore them is when you are ready to marry them. cos we all know how fleeting our mind is, how deceitful our heart is. only the covenant that is marriage will hold us thru to a relationship with someone. romantic feelings will die that is quite a guaranteed. everyone knows that(or do they), but most people still foolishly chase the thrill of romance, and when it dies, idiotically say that the spark is gone and they don't feel the love anymore. they feel bored. i think the true beauty of marriage, is staying with the person even after the romantic feelings are gone, loving the person regardless, but purely devoting oneself to that person, in love. marriage is complex, i talk about it as if i know a lot about it, but i don't. haha ok clearly it's too late at night.. good night.

2010-06-20T23:06:00.002+08:00

sundays really pass by so fast. in the process, there are so many things running through my mind. who do i need to meet. what i need to do. need to settle this settle that. and there's always the thought of work/sch tmr. i get flustered u know. i actually do. as a result i might offend people without knowing, forgot to say hi to certain people, forgot to do certain things. JYM moves so fast, worship sermon announcements cell group discussion. Do you sometimes feel cell group discussion just goes by like that. you ask the questions, they give the standard answers. you pray the standard prayers. In the midst of this flurry of events, what i long for is true heartfelt devotion to God. true heartfelt worship to God. true heartfelt response to His word. true heartfelt prayers unto Him. and true heartfelt love to one another. it's so easy to do church. i don't want that. may God help us..... may he be so real amongst us.

2010-06-11T15:56:00.002+08:00

it's 4 am in nyc, the city that never sleeps. i've been sleeping quite little since i came here. my last day in nyc and i think i might not be sleeping at all. i'm gonna get to central park at 6am to watch norah jones and sarah mclachlan. then i'll buy some stuff for the people putting me up, then i'll prepare and go to JFK and fly back to singapore... I've listened to john pizzarelli, keith urban, dixie chicks, the EAGLES (best concert i've been to in my life) live, and i think i shall never be the same again. haha. a couple of weeks ago i was sooo looking forward to flying back to singapore. but human nature is a paradox, is ironic. i'm gonna miss usa. i'm gonna miss being on my own. i'm gonna miss being alone. i'm gonna miss taking it easy(unless i take it easy in singapore). but yes. i think i've learnt stuff here. and i've really enjoyed myself. i've really enjoyed new york city. i think i've enjoyed new york the most. cos over here i didn't really do much touristy stuff, but i did a lot of stuff that the locals do, like walking very fast on the streets, looking sian, taking the subway at 1am, walking home at 2am. taking the bus, walking everywhere. not taking pictures. feeling like a local. that's the way to experience a city man. but ok la i did quite a lot of shopping here also.. very thankful for my medicine friend here whom i've been hanging out with.. i guess that's a friendship deepened too. thank God for his blessings, i'm so thankful for my parents and especially junxu, and all the people here who have helped me in some way.. also to the strangers on the streets. everybody. USA is massive, USA is a country very much in need of God's grace and redemption, and the movement of His Holy Spirit. It is a country very much on my heart. Goodbye USA i will see you soon.

2010-06-02T02:49:00.003+08:00

i'm in the portland international airport in oregon now... feeling stupid cos i realised i could have gone out an explore portland. after janelle told me i would have liked the city, i went to wiki it and it looks interesting haiz. instead i spent the last 3 hours using my mac and chatting with caleb about soccer and my friend about sucky doctors. haha. but ok la whatever. conserve my energy i'm still recovering from a cold. haha yes. vindicated. anyway, i've been travelling so much by air this year. let me note down the number of flights i've taken this year:

Singapore to Dubai
Dubai to London
London to Oslo RYGGE
Oslo RYGGE to Tromso
Tromso to Oslo RYGGE
Oslo TORP to London
London to Dubai
Dubai to Singapore

Singapore to Hong Kong
Hong Kong to New York
Philadelphia to Denver
Denver to Billings
Billings to Salt Lake City
Salt Lake City to Vancouver
Vancouver to Portland
Portland to SanFrancisco (soon)
San Fran to New York
New York to Hong Kong
Hong Kong to Singapore

that's like 19 flights.... waaa siao i think that's almost enough for the year....
anyway, i'm gonna be in san francisco alr.. really excited for that trip it will be fun cos i will be with my very very good friend from chinese high and yeah it's nice to finally be able to speak singlish and talk rubbish and joke and laugh my head off again. yay... shiok shiok shiok good times good times. BTW, vancouver was excellent. nice scenic beautiful place. but somehow i'm lazy to talk about my trip. it was very nice la ok. very nice city. a lot a lot of chinese. they call it hongcouver or van kong. hahaha. okk bye.

2010-05-22T06:06:00.003+08:00

ok i went to change my blog picture several times and i think this one is nice. that's the montana roads for you.... haha. nice right..

2010-05-22T05:53:00.003+08:00

i tried to change my blog picture but ai ya in the end can't decide what pic so dun care la.
I'm into the last hour of my elective here!!
THE END TO MY YEAR 4 ELECTIVES : THE START OF MY HOLIDAYS.
but ok la i am on holiday anyway. yesterday, i was driving back home from the laundry place, then i got a bit absent minded, was day dreaming while driving, and i forgot that i've to drive on the right side of the road, and i was on the left side! and i remembered i was thinking to myself wow this road is narrow eh. so i just continued driving and i was actually driving against traffic can u imagine. But the road was like narrow and there was no road divider. then as i was driving i suddenly saw a car coming towards me.. ON MY LANE. then i was like WHAT THE then i just hurry up swerve to the next lane. then i was like wa lao eh i could have like gotten into a major accident if i continued day dreaming la. but ok granted i saw the car from quite far away but still.. haha. scary.

anywayyyzz. so today is my last day. tmr i'm just hanging around here somemore, i'm hoping to go to the trails one more time, visit the base of the mountain here. doing my last laundry. pack everything. and come sunday morning, i will drive 3 hours to the city of billings return the car, call a cab, get to the airport, and fly to VANCOUVER BC YEAHH. Sounds good sounds good. Only major potential problem is snow snow snow. To end off my trip, it is forecasted to snow tmr and sunday. So how nice, i will be driving in the snow with a 2 wheel drive. let's just hope 1. there's no snow, 2. if there's snow, then it will be little and won't affect my driving. Haha yeah it just wouldn't be right if the start and end of my trip wasn't covered with snow eh. Anyway really thank God for seeing me thru. When it was 4th, 5th May, today or the day i leave Montana seemed like so so so so so far away..... crazy far away. now it's here. yes. . K let the fun times begin and i look forward to fun and great times in vancouver sfo nyc yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah Go Philly Flyers! (did i tell u i have been following the NHL haha)

2010-05-21T00:18:00.001+08:00

Kay this is a football post so all u people who don't play football don't bother reading. haha. I love jamie carragher!! i'm so glad he's at the club. His words have really comforted me, giving me a peace that surpasses all underst...... haha kididng. but something to that effect :

The Reds vice-captain is currently on international duty with England as they gear up for this summer's World Cup campaign, but admits club matters remain at the forefront of his mind.
"I know what it is like after a poor season. There is a lot of negativity," he said. "We have had it all season and I am sure we will have it again throughout the summer.
"Obviously I want to enjoy the World Cup and do well.
"But I can't wait to get back to Liverpool and try to put it right."
He added: "As soon as the game at Hull finished I wished the start of next season was the next day. The best thing is to forget the season we had and get on with it.
"During the World Cup I want to enjoy that, but I also want to go back to Liverpool, do well there and get the club back where it wants to be."
Carragher is adamant Liverpool's players must all be pulling in the same direction if they're to bounce back strongly next season.
"I want the people to come back who want to be there," he said.
"If anyone doesn't want to be here, no problem. No-one is bigger than Liverpool Football Club.
"People always talk about players leaving and saying 'this is the end of Liverpool'. No chance.
"Better players than the ones we have now have left and we have replaced them."
Carragher is acutely aware of the disappointment felt by fans at Liverpool's mixed 2009-10 campaign - insisting he shares their frustrations.
However, he is convinced next term will see a stronger push for silverware by the Reds.
"All the trophies and the great nights I have had have been with Liverpool," said Carra.
"90 per cent of people I speak to on the phone are connected with Liverpool.
"I am just emotionally involved with it. Being a local lad, it is that big for me.
"I am sure we will do well next season."

YEAH COME ONE REDS COME ON! YWNA!!

2010-05-19T05:58:00.001+08:00

During a debate with the biologist Richard Dawkins, Collins stated that God is the explanation of those features of the universe that science finds difficult to explain (such as the values of certain physical constants favoring life), and that God himself does not need an explanation since he is beyond the universe. Dawkins called this "the mother and father of all cop-outs" and "an incredible evasion of the responsibility to explain", to which Collins responded "I do object to the assumption that anything that might be outside of nature is ruled out of the conversation. That's an impoverished view of the kinds of questions we humans can ask, such as 'Why am I here?', 'What happens after we die?' If you refuse to acknowledge their appropriateness, you end up with a zero probability of God after examining the natural world because it doesn't convince you on a proof basis. But if your mind is open about whether God might exist, you can point to aspects of the universe that are consistent with that conclusion.

2010-05-18T03:32:00.001+08:00

16th May 2010

K I just came back from Yellowstone national park. And while I’m waiting for 6pm to come, I’ll just write a bit about my experience while it’s still fresh in my mind.

Haha so I went to Yellowstone with Eric, who’s about 31 years old. He’s the doctor’s son. So anyway, just a bit about Eric first. He’s different. I mean I really really appreciate him a lot for bringing me to eat buffalo burger, inviting me to his house to watch ice hockey last night, and then for accompanying me like almost the whole day today at Yellowstone. But he’s sort of different. Like the way he talks, and his views etc. which is why like we don’t really talk much. There are a couple of factors la, but then I don’t have as good a conversation with him than with the angmoh people I meet here. In a way, he’s sort of strange/queer, hmm but I really appreciate him a lot la. And I feel for him also cos he seems to be quite a lonely person. He doesn’t extend that kind of super hospitality to me la, but I mean I still appreciate him a lot. So like kinda torn as to how to think about him. But I think deep down he’s a sad person, and that makes me sad. Sucks I hate it when other people are sad people. I also sometimes feel a lot for those who are sad, but it’s like because their character is like that, or their personality like that, so it’s like hard for them to ‘do well’ in life socially that kinda thing, you can’t really see them getting out of that ‘sad, loneliness’ kinda thing.

Anyway so during the trip to I drove throughout. Haha. My butt is a bit sore now. But like yeah Yellowstone is cool. It’s not spectacular drop dead gorgeous my mouth open out that kind la. I saw some animals, like bisons, elk/deer/what ever that was, and erm the top of a bald headed eagle. Haha. And some random birds dunno whether it’s osprey. But like I think the problem inside the national park was u can’t drive too fast. Like 35-45 mph then after awhile it becomes quite sian to drive. Especially when u dun have a good conversation going in the car. Like me and eric were quiet most of the time. But he brought me around the major things la. Like old faithful geyser. And he’s been there like a lot of times alr, so like for him to bring me there again I feel very appreciative. I wonder if he felt very bored or sth. Sucks that we couldn’t strike up an engaging conversation or sth. But anyway, I saw many spots in Yellowstone where it would be nice to just like stop the car and enjoy the scenery, by the enormous lake that looks like lake tahoe. But during this trip we were mostly driving. Hmm so maybe my opinion of Yellowstone was affected by my company. But nonetheless it was still not bad la. Maybe it’s the time of the year also, cos it’s not in the middle of summer yet, so the greenery still like a bit brown. Like the snow just melt that kind of brown, if u know what I mean. An interesting thing of my trip is that we stopped by this Chinese place to eat lunch. Then like I spoke Chinese to the owner, as I like to, then after a while he asked me if I was from china, then I said no, then I asked him to guess, then he said Singapore. Haha. He said those who speak English well are mostly from Singapore. Anyway then we talked a lot. He asked me what I was doing here etc. he said he was just in Singapore a few months ago.. and like he asked me to come hang out there more often haha.. nice guy. I was happy to speak Chinese to someone, and like a fellow Chinese. It felt really good.

Hmm so anyway.. I dunno whether my seeming ambivalence to Yellowstone is due to me losing the wonder of natural scenery. Like maybe I see quite a lot alr then it’s hard for me to appreciate now. Haha or like find them very beautiful. Or maybe it’s just me, maybe I’m just harder to please. Haha I dunno but I think company matters quite a lot to my enjoyment of places. Hmm although that time I went to lake district in UK and I was like so-so towards the scenery also, even though it was quite nice and my friend kept saying very nice. I was sort of like yeah not bad. Not like WAA SO NICE! So weird how come I haven’t been wowed by spectacular scenery for so long. Maybe if I saw something like Niagara falls, I’ll be like orhh okk lor.. not bad. I won’t go crazy. Maybe I need to go more exotic places like Peru, great wall, grand canyon or sth. Haha maybe like Banff national park. Something with a nice lake and greenery.
Or maybe I just need great company. Like my wife or sth. On a honeymoon. Haha it would be different I guess.

I can’t remember when was the last time I commented a scenery was WAA SO NICE!! Maybe it was in kalbarri in australia. or ai ya I dunno. Maybe something’s wrong with me la. Haha. Okk gonna chillax a bit then go for bbq later. Time for socializing haha.

2010-05-14T03:06:00.002+08:00

i did quite an american thing yesterday.
I went to this burger/bar place called the corral.
I had a buffalo burger, and a beer something blue ribbon. PBR. and caught the ice hockey game between philly and boston. haha and i was sitting at the bar la. My american friend brought me there. And i think all the people around me thought i was american cos i said i'm neutral i dun watch hockey. then the guy said well what do u watch, baseball? i said no i watch soccer. so he was like ohh are you all set for the world cup? then i was like yeahh USA is in right. then he was like yeah we should be alright. haha. ok that doesn't show why they probably think i'm american but just take my word for it.

i'm getting a little lazier of blogging now. maybe because my days are slowly but surely getting more interesting. haha. like tmr i'm gonna catch the game 7 of philly vs boston at my american friend's house. then saturday we're going yellowstone. and at night i might be going for a bbq at someone's house. then sunday, then monday then tues then wed then thurs then fri then sat then VANCOUVER BC.

2010-05-13T05:45:00.004+08:00

I can literally cry just watching this. haha even though they make Singapore look nicer than it seems to be, Singapore is in fact really nice. I really like singapore. haha. Do you notice this thing on the side of my blog about someday i'll put her on the interstate and never look back. haha while road trips in USA are definitely great. I mean the roads here are so wide, the driving here is nice. Not as irritating as the UK where there're like speed cameras and stuff. Here the sky is bigger, the road is bigger, it's just nicer. haha.

2010-05-11T02:32:00.001+08:00

10th May 2010
If you’re wondering why I’m like blogging everyday, it’s cos I just wanna journal down my trip here. Also given that I’m so free now.. it’s good to journal. Maybe when I go to san fran I will journal less. But ya this journal is more for me to record down rather than for you to read ok so if you’re bored don’t blame me. I didn’t read one of Paul’s letters cos I gave myself an excuse that I need a commentary to do an indepth study. Like I wanted to read 1 Thessalonians but then I was like I don’t even know who the Thessalonians are and so I’m like ahh nvm like go back Singapore then read. Haha so I proceeded on to read the OT part. And I realized I’ve been reading the OT wrongly sometimes. Ahh but ya my aim here is not to repeat what I’ve read, but it’s that, we all seriously need to study how to read our bible. If not we end up making all sorts of wrong interpretations, and our use of the bible becomes inconsistent, flimsy, and it can end up with wrong teachings.

So it’s the new week now. I’m trying to feel positive. Because I’m like midway now u know, it seems to be harder midway. But yes I’m looking forward to the end of Montana. Haha. But I’m also looking forward to eating buffalo meat on Thursday, and visiting Yellowstone National Park on the weekend. Ok so I shall look forward to that. 1 more week to Yellowstone! I’ve been dreaming a lot about back home. Last night I dreamt about church camp. Haha. And Jeremy was involved in my dream.. He was playing guitar on stage and then he sort of got like filled with the Holy Spirit and then he ran down to get his bible, and then ran up to the stage and like said the reference Psalm 50:57, or Psalm 57:50. So in my dream I was like ok remember this reference. But then afterwards I was like wait a minute there’s no such reference. Haha. Oh well, my unsanctified dreams. But ahhh I really am looking forward to church camp. Just being with everyone, worshiping God, listening to His Word.. It will be great. I hope something great happens there and God works in our hearts. Our church really needs that.

Ooh I just saw a rabbit outside my house. Haha cute. I am born in the year of the rabbit. Which reminds me, the sun is shining outside! For like the 4th day in a row! I guess summer is really here now. Which is good. One more time I see snow coming down I’m really gonna call the police I tell you.

2010-05-11T02:31:00.002+08:00

9th May 2010
Nothing much going on actually. It’s 1156am on a Sunday in Big Sky, Montana! So I went for a short walk yesterday and because of the high altitude here, I felt quite breathless when I came back. Haha. Spent much of the day reading Hebrews and praying. Hmm then at night I spent some time looking at photos and feeling nostalgic. I miss my friends. Haha. Today, I woke up at 7 plus, and after breakfast and QT, I read the chapter on Epistles, in the book How to read the Bible for all it’s worth. I think my aim is to finish that book during this 3, or rather 2 remaining weeks. It’s gonna be a stretch actually but hey, I could do with some motivation to read here. Haha. So later I’m gonna try to read one of Paul’s letters and use the principles of exegesis and hermeneutics I have learnt. Very interesting and helpful I must say, in fact, it is a task all Christians should be engaged in, studying the bible. Hard core studying. Haha.

Ok nothing much la. I’m just looking forward to leaving Montana really. Haha. But something I learned from listening to Mike Pilavacchi(again) yesterday, is that if we learn to give praise and thanksgiving while we’re in the dry places of life, i.e. Big Sky, Montana, we will learn to give praise and thanksgiving in whatever situation of life, good or bad. Haha. Yup.

2010-05-11T02:31:00.001+08:00

8th May 2010
It’s a new day! The sun is out this morning, which is nice. I am going to take a long long walk later. I went to hike a short trail to a waterfall yesterday, and that was quite nice.. it would have been 10 000 times nicer if I had a friend with me. Which leads me to the point to say that I guess I’m a person who likes to enjoy things with other people. For example ice cream. Ice cream tastes so much better if u’re eating it with a very good friend. Same goes for a movie. A movie is much more enjoyable if u’re watching it with someone.

Having said that, I’m much more independent than most people I would think. A lot of the times, I’d rather do things alone. For example, taking a bus home. Sometimes I hope that the person I’m with is not going the same way as me so that I can take the bus alone. Cos u know, sometimes I just like to sit still on the bus and just stone, rather than making conversation with someone. And also, like I quite enjoy being alone sometimes after a long hard day.. all I wanna do is just reflect back kinda thing. I can also remember one example in hospital, many people were going back to NUS, and I needed to go back nus as well. But none of my Clinical group mates were driving back/going back. So the common thing people will do is to ask a lift from someone else. However there was no one there whom I’m as close to as someone like Junxu/Caleb/Gabriel. Hmm ok but in any case I dun really like asking for a lift from someone else. I absolutely won’t feel sad about having to take a bus on my own even if I could have gotten a lift, except if I’m really late la. So anyway, all I needed to do was to ask the other people for a lift and I would have gotten it, but instead I just took train and bus from SGH to NUS. And I was like quite happy with it. Haha. I know of people who will never ever do that, they will just get a lift, I mean like it seems the most sensible thing to do anyway.

Ok so to crystallize everything, I like having company. But I guess it’s close company I desire. For example, to hang out with really close friends, or people who I can really enjoy talking to. You know how sometimes u talk to someone for the first time and u know you can just keep talking. I remember this incident in London. I was at OCF, and like u know the usual hello how are you conversations with people, what are you doing here etc.. They were all like u know pretty routine/have to make effort kinda conversations. Then after that I was walking to the Tube with a group of them, and I just happened to talk to this girl. She was a friend of my good friend in medicine. So anyway, she just talk to me, and somehow, it just feels like I’ve known her a long time, even though I don’t know her. Kinda like you can just suddenly tell her anything. And no, I wasn’t attracted to her physically or whatever, it’s just that she was very easy going, very down to earth, very relaxed, same frequency. So like as I talked to her my spirits just lifted and like it felt really nice. Like we were joking and laughing and stuff. Like genuine one, not the faked forced type of laughter. Haha.

Ok so to crystallize my crystallization, I enjoy people. I do. But I don’t enjoy the social game. Which is why I don’t really enjoy going to birthday parties of people I’m not that close to, or parties for that matter, where I’d have to meet lots and lots of new people. I’d gladly choose a cosy dinner with 4-5 good friends. (I’m listening to It had to be you on my itunes now, I can just imagine myself walking along central park listening to this, which is what I’m gonna do soon yeahh) Which is why I call myself anti-social sometimes. However, I’m not ANTI-SOCIAL also cos I like to be with good company. Like now. I’ve been alone for 5-6 days, travelling around USA on my own, and I can tell you I’m in some need of any sort of company. Haha. But yeahh. Hmm I’m bad in writing down my thoughts it’s all over the place.

Maybe, when I’m with a lot of people for a period of time, I like to be alone. Maybe when I’m with no one for a period of time, I like to be with someone.
Maybe, I just like to be with people whom I can be myself and talk and laugh about anything, people who are easy going, relaxed, fun.
Maybe, I’m also a little shy so I dare not be myself/talk/laugh with people who may be less easy going at first sight.

Argh I hate what I’m writing like I don’t even know what I’m saying. Ok what I’m saying is this: That walk in the trail yesterday? I would have wanted company. A bus ride home? I’ll be perfectly fine with good company, or with being alone, but just not crazy about taking bus with someone I’m not so familiar with, or can’t really talk and be myself. A movie? Ironman 2 in the cinema, definitely with company. You’ve got mail, I watched it alone at home and it was really really nice I enjoyed watching it alone. I’ve travelled with people and wished I was alone, or probably wished I had better company. I’ve travelled with my parents and wished my friends were there. But right now, I would pay up to USD1000 for my parents to be where I am. I’ve travelled alone(yes now,) and wished for someone to be with me. Anyone, even a medicine student I’m not close to.

Haha ok so bottomline of these bottomlines, my mind is in a state of constant flux and it really is situation dependent. So I guess, I’m unpredictable. Yeah. I’m unpredictable.

My social inclinations cannot be crystallized. It is just meant to be a mash of potatoes. Oh and Junxu just called me and I told him I was reflecting on my social inclinations. Haha. Thank God my good friends man. I think it would be really funny if Gabriel was here. Gabriel seems like the sort of guy who would do well in any situation. Like if you throw him in a cabin all on his own, honestly I can’t see him like crying about his situation. Haha ok I dunno. Anyway ya. That’s that.

Something else I thought about this morning: You know how I’m counting down the days to being home. 11th June seems far away, even 23rd May seems far away. But have you thought of your maids? Or the foreign workers? They come all the way to a foreign place, work for other people, and their contract is like 2 years. I think I have a glimpse of how they can feel initially. The loneliness, the uncertainty, the sense that this isn’t home. I think my maid feels quite home at my house la. She’s been there close to 3 years alr I think and like yeah she’s one of us. But I can imagine those who are not. The loneliness is definitely something they will feel. I mean they are right in the midst of a foreign culture and family. Different race altogether. So how can u blame them for wanting to meet their fellow filippinos. I dunno how to spell that. But ya, if there was a group of Singaporeans in Montana now, I would definitely wanna meet them. I think I can sort of understand why they like to meet in Lucky Plaza now. Cos they know that on that day if they go there, they can at least feel some sense of belonging, some hint of home, where they’ve grown up. As humans we long for a sense of belonging, a sense of home, don’t you?

So, what is my point. My point is to treat foreign workers with respect/love/care. I mean I think they really suffer a lot working here.. I can’t imagine it for myself. I’m here for so short only. 3 weeks. And somemore mine is like attachment/holiday, and I can feel like lonely alr. What more them. 2 years. Wow if I had to be here 2 years I immediately cancel my contract and fly home.

Some while ago I had a burden for foreign workers/domestic workers. They are children of God as well. Have you ever thought of them like that? To think that these people are dearly loved by God, and that He sent Christ to die for them, to bring them back to Him. I think of the maids who come to St James Church, my own maid, hardly anyone cares for them, well at least not me. Or the foreign workers, Ghani(if that is his name). I want to ask God for a greater burden for these people, and to then sense what is His heart for them. Then I want to pray and do God’s will at the correct time so that these people can come to know God. Wow, what a loaded statement. But ya. I guess we need to do something for them. It’s about time.

K, I shall go prepare and go out for a walk now. The sun is out.

2010-05-08T03:19:00.001+08:00

May 7th 2010
It’s 840am, I’m going to the clinic soon. Today after work I’m going to hike this trail. Haha cos today has good weather so I hope it’ll be interesting and nice. But u know people when they go hiking here they bring along a bear spray, in case a bear comes. Waa if a bear comes at me. GGXX man I dun know if I can take out the spray and spray at the bear. Super scary. Anyway, my sleep pattern is a bit screwed up now. I slept at 8pm last night. Grrr. I always get very tired around that time. I need to push it to like 11pm or sth, if not I keep waking up at 4am like today. Oh, I also bought like a lot of stuff from this frozen food place. Got like 6 TV dinners, 1 pizza that can eat 3 times I think. 1 packet of potato wedges and 1 packet of vegetables. I’m pretty much settled in terms of dinner alr. Still got my instant mee and pasta. I just need to settle my lunches, which I think would probably be a lot of bread plus peanut butter and a fruit. Haha. I’m so gonna be a stick when I come back, if I’m not one already.

Ohh and in other exciting news, I’m going to San Francisco to meet Zhang Fang! Haha I think some of the youth comm members will know. So I was supposed to go san fran and meet some RJ/medicine friends, but turns out my friend will be having exams, so I remembered zhang fang might be there so I facebooked him and yeahh he said ok and he’s free somemore so we can go travelling together. A preliminary plan is to go to Yosemite national park yeshhhh yesh yesh. Take that those who wanted me to plan and book all my flights and plan everything first. i.e. my dad. If I had booked everything in Singapore, I would have taken a bus to Vancouver, 23 hours, and then travel across Canada on my own, ending up in Toronto and cross to NYC. That would have been quite sian I think I would die on the bus. But now. Now. Now. After exciting and wonderful Vancouver, I will go to wonderful and exciting san Francisco, then I will head to wonderful and exciting new york, before flying back to wonderful and exciting Singapore which is home, truly, where I know I must be, where my dreams wait for me, where the river always flows, this is home, surely, as my sense tell me, this is where, I WON’T BE ALONEEEEEE(INDEED), for this is where, I know I’m home….

*sobz and wipes aways tears*

ok. Gonna get ready to go to the clinic now….. I would like to countdown to the days I’m going Vancouver but it’s like countdown makes it slower. I wish the days can just pass until it’s 23rd may then I’m like, WA, time pass so fast it’s time to go Vancouver alr! Haha. Time really does seem to be passing slowly here. I have 16 more days I think. Okk I think I’m gonna call my mom later…

2010-05-06T23:43:00.001+08:00

Something from my QT this morning:

Nehemiah 1-2

Here, we see a great example of doing God’s work, or doing something for God.

1. It starts with weeping, fasting, prayer → Brokenness.
We need a burden from God, we need to be broken.
Nehemiah 1:4

2. Prayer :
Neh 1:5
Theology, adoration. (God of heaven, great and awesome God, who keeps his covenant of love with those who love him and obey his command.
Neh 1:6-7 Confession → we have sinned!
Neh 1:8 standing on God’s promise
Neh 1:11 Petition → Give me success!

3. Doing it
Neh 2:8 God’s gracious hand was upon Nehemiah
Neh 2:12 God has placed something in nehemiah’s heart to do.

When opposition, mocking, ridicule comes, we will then have our confidence and security in God. Neh 2:20

Even though Nehemiah didn’t sinned like how the Israelites did, he saw himself as part of them, and when he prayed, he said, WE have sinned!
If we are doing something for God, let us ask ourselves whether we have the burden for what we are doing. We must ask God to break us. If it’s the church, we must have a burden for the church. If it’s youth alpha, we must have a burden for the lost amongst the youths, if it’s our DG, we must have a burden for our DG members. Only when we have a burden, when we are broken, can we truly pray for those things, and truly be used by God.
They that sow in tears, will reap in joy. We need tears! Not crocodile tears, but penguin tears. Haha kidding. I mean, we need to really weep and cry out for our people.

(not sure if Neh is the short form for Nehemiah. Haha)

2010-05-06T23:41:00.000+08:00

May 5th 2010

It’s 9am. I just made a cup of hot milo for myself. I’m feeling sian at the thought of having to buy groceries soon. This is not because I don’t like buying groceries. But it’s the uncertainty that comes with it. Like dunno what to buy. Dunno whether it’s cheap. Dunno whether I should buy that now or whatever. Ai ya just uncertainty and I don’t like uncertainty I guess. Anyway yesterday I booked my flight to Vancouver alr. 23rd of May. Yay. I’m looking forward to Vancouver.

So today, weather seems pretty good. It snowed yesterday. In fact yesterday yesterday, there was a snow blizzard I think and apparently I was sleeping. The car was socked in snow yesterday and I didn’t know how to get the snow off the windscreen and stuff. I walked around like an idiot trying to use the shovel to scrape of the ice, and in the end I realized water does the trick. So I got the cooking pot and filled it with water and kept splashing water over the car. Then later in the day I realized there was an ice scraper inside the car. Haha.

I called cathay to check whether I could fly back a week earlier, but they say cannot. So I’m really gonna stay in the usa till 11th june. I’m now planning whether I should go to san Francisco after Vancouver or not.

Ok then yesterday clinic was quite good. It’s quite chill. When got patients then I will go clerk them, then later present to the doctor. So yup before I knew it, it was 5pm alr. I bought a beef wrap earlier in the day and it sucked so today I’m bringing bread to eat for lunch. I’m really lazy to cook and the thought of having to cook my dinner everyday is quite sian. Haha. Gahh I’m so lazy I should learn to be less lazy.

Ok going to the clinic soon. Hope today is a good day..

May 6th 2010

8:13am now. I woke up today morning, and was greeted with thick thick snow. There was another snow storm last night. My car was showered with snow. Zzz. I used to watch shows and stuff and thought waa so nice snow. But it’s not funny, when u’re so far from home, all alone in a house, haven’t got a clue how to deal with snow. Haha. But anyway the doctor’s son came to my house and told me it should be ok, and that he’ll escort me home from the clinic later with his truck. I listened to aunty carolin’s sermon and one mike pilavacchi sermon last night. I also cooked aglio olio which as usual tasted bad. Sianz. I’m like never gonna get it right.

As I was reflecting a short while ago, the sian part of army for me wasn’t in the training actually. I mean some parts of it was sian, but it was more in the fact that I’m far from home, without my circle of friends. I’m starting to realize a lot that how I feel is very much determined by whether I’ve friends around me. For example, I was sian in Changi Hospital cos I was doing my posting alone and like I didn’t have much friends around me. But when I have friends around me, I think even if the work was very sian, very hard, very tough, I can do it without much fuss I think. Kinda like cross country training in sec 2. I was training 7 days a week but I was ok, cos I enjoyed my friends company and we were working towards something. Same in canoeing, RJ canoeing too. When I don’t know a lot of people, then it becomes sian for me. But when I know people well and get along with them, then I think I feel good and like can do anything. I think I’ve to remember that when I work next time, so that I choose an environment where I’m happy. It’s really about whether I’ve friends around me, rather than the work. Ai ya in the end medicine is all the same la. Just that maybe surgery you get to use ur hands but ai ya whatever la. I wanna work with enjoyable, chill, friendly funny people.

So I do feel sian now! Because I’m quite alone.. however I’m getting more comfortable in the clinic I guess. Getting more a hang of it, had a chat with my doctor yesterday as well. The clinic was really quite quiet yesterday, not many patients..

Ok so anyway, I’m looking forward to the end of my Montana stay alr. Haha. My plan is to visit Yellowstone national park, maybe try to go on a hike or sth if the weather permits, and that’s about it, the rest of the time I just wanna stay in my cabin and hide there. Haha.

I’m flying to Vancouver on 23rd May. Then I’m most probably going San Francisco one week later, then I’ll fly to new york, AND THEN I’LL FLY HOMEEEE ARHH I WANNA COME HOME HAHA. On the morning of 11th June, I will pump my fists up in victory. Then I’ll smile all the way to the airport. Then on the plane I’ll watch movies. Then I’ll reach hong kong. And my heart will be beating faster and faster as I board the plane to Singapore. Then when I see a sight of Singapore, tears will well up in my eyes and I’ll shout “SINGAPORE!!!!!” hahaha. I’m LOL-ing to myself now. Ahh I miss home. So much for being a travel lover. Haha.

Ok but I guess this is good training for me, in the sense I’m really learning to be independent, and to be less scared of being alone, taking charge, taking care of myself that kinda thing. I mean, next time when I become a father, that’s what I gotta do right. If I bring my family on a holiday next time, at least I’ll have this experience behind me. I think this will be a valuable experience to have with me. Ok. Gonna wash my face and get ready to swim through the snow to my clinic.. Stay Positive David!

2010-05-05T23:41:00.001+08:00

May 4, 2010

It’s 8.23am now. I am in my guest house in Big Sky, Montana. This is absolutely surreal. I arrived here at around 6pm yesterday. And after a quick tour of the place by the doctor’s son, I settled down in this guest house.
Let me begin my recount chronologically.
I woke up 5am on 3rd May, Philadelphia Time. Junxu was sleeping and so I quickly changed and stuff and my cab arrived. I just said bye and that was it, I was in the cab on the way to Philadelphia International Airport. I told the cab I was taking united airlines, only to realize I was taking US airways. I was really unsure at the airport, but slowly figured stuff out. Then I went thru the bag checks and ate a sandwich at this breakfast place, before boarding my plane. Throughout all this, my heart was really flat, in terms of emotions, happiness, excitement, everything was just flat. I was really tired and jet lagged as well. Haha but I was happy to have met Junxu la. I’m really grateful he still took some time off for me even though he had his finals. Their finals is just crazy everybody pia-ing until siao. But I guess our finals we also pia until siao.

US airways flight was unremarkable. I tried to sleep as much as I could, though somehow seems quite hard. I’m not good at falling asleep on planes. I came across this US airways magazines that was really interesting. They put in one chapter of this book about travelling US. The author basically had some issues with life and stuff, and his wife told him to go travel. And I really loved this paragraph that I read:

My goal : Visit with other lives. Explore other places. Find coherence in the diversity I am sure to encounter. Accumulate the knowledge of journeys past and present as I rumble toward an understanding of the heroic ideal. Locate exemplars of that elusive concept. Court adventure and epiphany and insight into the parts of the whole. Then come home in once piece, and possibly at peace with myself.

As I read that my spirits were lifted a bit. Haha cos I realized, what I’m embarking on, in this solo trip to the USA, isn’t some family holiday fun, isn’t some shiok road trip with friends. It’s tough to travel alone you know. I’ve learnt that in less than 4 days. I will go on to elaborate this further, and at the end I would wanna put my goal in this trip, similar to what Brad Herzog wrote.

Ok so anyway, landed in Denver Colorado, home of the rockies. Though I don’t know that the rockies refer to. I got off my plane, sauntered to the gate where I was supposed to board my plane to Montana. As I got there, I began to feel a bit out of place, not for the first time though. I saw couple of dudes with cowboy hats. Haha and I was like. Wow, I’m flying to Billings, Montana. How many Singaporeans have ever been to Montana. You know when Singaporeans travel to usa, it’s usually to San Fran, LA, New York, Boston, or all the places with big universities, North Carolina, Michigan, Wisconsin or sth. Montana. Wow it felt really hardcore American. I was wondering into the heartlands of USA it felt. A short 1 hour flight later, here I was, Billings Montana. It just felt increasingly surreal. But mind you, all this while my emotions were still flat, my soul felt lonesome. Got my luggage, called a cab, arrived at the car rental, next thing I knew, I was behind the wheel of a Hyundai Accent, driving to Big Sky, Montana.
It was a 2 hr plus drive. And towards the end, I was falling asleep behind the wheel la. When I started driving, I again felt very shiok, spirits lifted everything, telling myself hey this isn’t so bad. This rocks. I’m driving along the highways of USA man. There was some nice scenery here and there. The nice thing about driving in USA is I always feel the roads are really big, the sky really wide. So I really like driving. As I reached my destination, I did some grocery shopping at Albertons. Again, felt really out of place and scared again. I think what I feel is akin to what a person from Sweden would feel shopping in Sheng Shiong or Shop and Save in Ang Mo Kio. It’s different from an ang moh shopping in cold storage at Holland V. That’s like me shopping in Wal Mart in Los Angeles Chinatown or sth.. but it’s ok. Again I just bought some essentials, pasta, sausages, bread etc.

And then a short drive later, I arrived at the guest house of my doctor. I was really shagged out. Ate instant mee, showered, did QT, crashed…. Slept for like 8-9 hours and woke up at 630am this morning.

My AT&T sim card doesn’t have reception here. (got owned) There’s no wireless in the guest house. So I was without handphone, internet. Totally shut out from the world. My Singtel can call la but that would cost a bomb. So I was really alone alone. Like this would be what I felt if I was exiled from Singapore, with no form of communication to anyone back home. It’s a strange feeling.
But, the best thing is, it really drew me to God. God is with me. WOW. Throughout this whole trip alone, i became more vulnerable to God it seems. Even the night before I was to fly off from philly, and I was praying with Junxu, I was absolutely so vulnerable, feeling broken, I was close to tears just hearing him pray for me. It’s hard to explain why, but it just feels like I want God more and more. Similar to how I felt when I was in Army, when every morning, in my depressed state, I would think about God, the song Lord I Thirst for You, and be close to tears just thinking about it. Haha.

But so anyway, I have 3 weeks in this guest house, all by myself. It’s a really nice guesthouse by the way. I would say it is close to a 4 star log cabin in the mountains. Really really nice and I have it all to myself. So after my QT today, I prayed told God, I want to spend this 3 weeks seeking Him. I have my bible, My QT material, a journal, Roots and Wings Discipleship book, How to read the bible for all it’s worth by Gordon Fee, I’m all set for a hardcore 3 weeks study of the bible. Haha. As I thought about it this morning I felt like yes I have a purpose, there’s something to drive me now. I realized, all our talk about being still in Singapore, throwing everything aside and just coming before God in our prayers, reflecting on Him, spending time in His presence. It’s just so hard because unconsciously there’s always something else we have to do, something else on our minds. We haven’t been stripped bare of our securities, and just come before God wanting nothing but Him, desiring nothing but His Word and His presence and His peace. But now, look at me. I’m pretty much stripped of all my securities and comfort. I’m in a foreign land all on my own. I’m in a cabin all by myself. I have no wireless or handphone at home. I’m lonely, but I’m desperate for God I guess.

So here you have it, my goal:

Visit with other lives. Explore other places. Find coherence in the diversity I am sure to encounter. Accumulate the knowledge of journeys past and present as I rumble toward an understanding of the heroic ideal(I dunno what this means, but I think for me, it would be as I rumble toward an understanding of self, and the ideal of travelling). Locate exemplars of that elusive concept. Court adventure and epiphany and insight into the parts of the whole.

Seek God with all my heart, study his Word, pray with all humbleness and a holy desperation, hear His voice, know His heart, be His child, worship Him, in essence, truly spend time with Him.

Visit old friends, treasure friendship, value relationships, learn to love people. Reminisce, ponder, reflect, contemplate, struggle with issues, think, cry, laugh, smile, have fun, be bored, be lonely, be vulnerable. Marvel at the beauty of this world. Be free, be restricted, be open, be closed. To be me.
Then come home in once piece, and possibly at peace with myself.

Ahh I can write more, but I wanna go and prepare for clinic alr. I’m not merely stucked in this cabin la I’m attached to the medical clinic here from 10am to 5pm. Well, more to write about that later. Now I gotta figure out how I’m gonna drive out of here later, cos it snowed last night. My car is showered in snow. Haha and it’s supposed to be summer la. But the weather here is erratic. Ok. I will share more of my thoughts with u later.

2010-05-02T12:56:00.002+08:00

i'm on my bus to philadelphia now.. New York City is quite crazy like on the train got 5-6 white guys young punks dressed like eminem keep making wolf whistles at girls, then they like talking about girls in a damn demeaning way, then they were like a bit high and like rapping on the bus and i was damn scared they come and whack me. then also like when i came out of the train station i kept seeing guys trying to pick up girls. There was even this 2 blacks who kept following girls around. like they would just talk to the girls who would ignore them, then they suddenly see another pretty girl they go follow again. siao lor. damn dangerous. then like people everywhere just seems so crude and uncouth. maybe cos it was the 11pm crowd. anyway i'm on the bus journey to upenn now, where i will meet junxu who will give me a night tour of upenn.

haha. the flight was quite funny, i was sitting beside 2 japanese aunties, who are about my grandma's age. then they only speak japanese so at first i was like arigato, watashiwa david des(they corrected me said i'm supposed to say david san). Then i kept helping them, like turning on light for them, helping them watch the movie on the screen. Then u know those in flight entertainment can learn language one right, i went to learn japanese immediately, then i kept practising on them. damn funny. when they thanked me i was like Doi Dosh Di Mash Tei! haha. joel pang would be proud of me. Shu me ma sen, i just said Wa Ka ri Ma sen when i didn't understand. Anw at the end they gave me a pack of japanese biscuits haha. very nice aunties. i like talking to old aunites who are like my grandmother la. they very cute. they took 1 hour to fill in the customs form cos it was in english and they were like slowly correlating with some translation they had.

anyway. 17 hour flight is no joke man it was a long long long flight. but i watch the blind side(sandra bullock) and i think the show very nice. i think the values of sandra bullock, as well as her family is what i really want for my family. to be able to accept people whom society rejects, and to be willing to stand up for what you believe in. haha anyway my customs was really really smooth. As in at first had to wait very long cos like the computer system died. so i was waiting in the queue for like 45 mins. but then i cleared it with little fuss.then i went to the luggage collection thing, and saw my luggage in front of me immediately. then i walked to the customs declaration point and the person just said GO. haha and that was it. then i went to take the airtrain, take the long island railway train to Penn station in NYC, bought a snapple for 2 usd. so ex. then now i'm on the bus to philadelphia. haha. okk my spirits are starting to lift alr. so yup it's good.

I think, i'm more for shorter journeys, so i think i will definitely fly everywhere now, like fly to vancouver, fly from vancouver to NYC. Just fly everywhere la. haha okk.. Philadelphia soon, then monday i'll be in Billings, Montana. So yup thank God for His blessings and protection, and i look forward to a good time in Montana!

2010-05-01T16:22:00.002+08:00

ah i have some time now so i shall blog a bit.
i embark on the US leg of my electives today. Haha i'm in HK airport now, transiting before flying 17 hours to NYC.
Charging my mac now and doing this.

the flight here was quite uneventful, my neck air pillow died cos the air inside expanded until i think it created a leak. Oh well. I'm hoping to get a good sleep on the plane later, i'll watch maybe 1 movie, have a meal, pee and then sleep. haha. This is not my first time travelling alone on a plane, but i'll be travelling alone for most parts of my elective. It's gonna be a new experience for me.
I'm actually quite a scardy cat and i don't really like asking strangers for help and stuff. as in i do ask for help, but ya just a little scardy cat when i'm in a foreign country, especially a foreign ang moh country. It would be different if i were in China or HK, where i look like everyone else. haha ok..

I'm gonna walk over to my gate now. should be boarding time soon. I'm hoping for a smooth flight into the airport and clearing the customs smoothly, catching my bus to philadelphia and seeing Junxu's face. muahaha. ok bye

2010-04-19T18:25:00.002+08:00

i have been doing the DG material Roots and Wings, and i am really enjoying it.. i love the organisation, the clarity, the categorisation. PDA is a great example. Personal revival, Divine appointment, Active Obedience. For me that sums up witnessing, or evangelism. I like the clarity. Cos we can have many sermons on evangelism, but at the end of the day. When someone asks so what is the key to evangelism, you still don't know.

One of my biggest takeaway so far is that Discipleship, or Christianity, must be holistic. We can't talk about prayer without talking about worship, theology, empowering of the Holy Spirit.

A quote i read in the book today:

Remind me each day that the race is not always to the swift and that there is more to life than increasing its speed... Slow me down, Lord, and inspire me to send my roots deep into the soil of life's enduring values, that I may grow toward the stars of my greater destiny.

O.L. Crain

2010-04-12T20:22:00.004+08:00

hello what brings you to my blog!
So today is worth talking about.
I was in hospital, feeling bored and sian as usual. the morning went by rather uneventfully. i was in the student's lounge by 11am, reading christian articles and reading travel guides of canada and NYC. then junxu called me at 1 plus pm so we were chatting. i was like out in some secluded area near the canteen talking to him.. haha telling him how boring the hospital is and how i'm wasting my time in the hospital. then suddenly i got a call from my trauma nurse so i hurry up put down the phone on junxu and the nurse said we have trauma activation. so i was like orhh kk k i'm coming. so i walked quickly to the A&E. when i got there, the GS registrar was alr there, managing the patient. It was a road traffic accident, motorcyclist got hit by a taxi. so anyway i saw 3 students in labcoat standing by the side, and i saw a logo on their labcoat so i thought they were the duke nus medicine students so i just didn't care about them, i just like saw what i could do. then the GS registrar started teaching them about resuscitation then i was thinking ehh how come they dunno haha. then after a while the GS registrar asked them if they wanted to catheterise the patient but i think they said they dunno how. so He knew i was an elective student on attachment so he asked me whether i could do it i said i can try. the truth is i have seen it a million times but never did it myself. so he said it's ok there's always a first time. anyway i'm attached to his team so he knew me and like yaa it was good. then i realised the students standing there were nus students. and i remembered the year 2s were starting their first day of clinicals. so that was their first day of clinicals. wow my first day of clinicals was a while back ago, but i remembered feeling completely lost and like felt damn useless. so anyway the GS registrar walked me through the whole catheterisation. He was actually the doctor who taught my group how to do catheterisation on the mannequin when we were just year 2s starting out. soo anyway it was my first time i was a bit blur i kept double checking with him all my steps. so later he was like waaa who teach you how to do catheterisation one ahhh, then i was like err actually it's you.. haha then he was like waa lao no wonder they never ask me go back to teach for awhile. but in truth the catheterisation was quite smooth i thought, not much problem, just a little hesitant and slow but no problem. i'm glad i got to do my first urine catheterisation. so afterwards i went to talk with the students... i was very nice and approachable and candid and down to earth. so they asked me how i felt catheterising so i said ok lor.. i told them most of my friends did it alr but i told them i'm quite slack one so only until now then i did it. but i told them eventually all of u all will do it so don't worry. haha then they asked me about clinicals, should they follow ward rounds everything.. then it just suddenly dawned upon me that i'm actually a senior. like i know things. like when they saw the CT scans, i realised i could actually teach them stuff about it. haha. so i told them that actually if sometimes got no tutorials in the hospital i will just zao haha then they were like ohhh nice.. then i said like being a student is really about standing around wasting time and feeling useless a lot of the time. i think if i were year 2 and someone told me that i would be comforted in the fact that all the students go through the same thing. but yeahh all in all, it was actually quite a surreal experience for me, speaking to the year 2s. i mean i think they actually looked up to me as a senior. wow that feels weird and i feel unworthy. but i did tell them i'm quite stupid one dunno anything haha. then there was the ortho MO there and while we were in the lift he asked me so why did u do medicine. then i was like errr.... then he said you will ask yourself that question every night while you're a HO then i was like haha yes i know i will. i said i'm alr starting to ask myself sometimes hahaha.(but if i were to do it all over again i think i will still do medicine) then i said something like but it's ok what it depends on what you do what, i said something like can still change to do other things, which i was meaning to do like GP, dermatology, whatever, but i think He and the GS MO thought i meant changing to be like a banker, businessman, corporate world whatever so they were like EHH that's the way to go man, change while you can or sth.. haha.

You see, being a surgeon is not all what it's made out to be man. it's a very tough life which isn't funny. when we say no life, we mean it. but ok la i guess i bankers and lawyers sometimes have no life also but it's different in the hospital i think.. hospital is just a madhouse. ok anyway, so that was that. i actually enjoy conversations about what we wanna do next time, like what specializations. I always ask my tutors and doctors why they chose to specialize in what they did. i like hearing people's views.

So anyway, around 4 plus i went to the office to meet my consultant. while waiting, another senior doctor walked past me and said, hey we have an interesting case in so and so bed. he said sister something nodule. so i decided to go see the patient, do a quick one.. so i got to see the patient, and there was a nodule at the umbilicus. a hard lump sort of thing, seemingly invading through the superficial skin. anyway then i went back to the office, met my consultant, and we discussed the trauma case. so he asked me like ok assume u are the doctor in charge, what do u wanna do, what injuries do u suspect, what are u looking out for. and so i started answering and stuff and i realised i actually knew some stuff. so like i would wanna do a CT head because i can't rule out a bleed in the head, etc etc. i would do an arterial blood gas to check the base excess and lactate levels, see if any acidosis going on which might tell me that the patient is in shock, which sometimes isn't reflected in the BP and heart rate. then i asked my consultants some questions like why need to catheterise patients, why need to do strict input output monitoring, and he answered my questions, because u wanna make sure the kidneys are perfused, so u would expect a urine output of 0.5-1.0 ml/kg/hr. i keep forgetting stuff like that but i think i am slowly getting it... so i felt quite pleased after that. so i was dismissed, then i went to order a chocolate waffle, then i went to the computer to check out what was the nodule i saw, and i learnt that it is sister mary joseph's nodule, which is a rare condition when the tumour cells from an intraabdominal malignancy spread out of the umbilicus. So i was like waa okk so i made a mental note if i ever see a nodule like this must suspect something sinister going on. if i didn't see this today next time i see that thing i would be like hmm probably some abscess or necrotic cyst or some crap and maybe not think much about it. but yaa so it was good to see that.

so as i walked to the simei mrt, eating my chocolate waffle, i thought to myself hmm today is a good day. it was also an interesting day.. but then i suddenly thought of people who were working every single day, such as like construction workers, i thought about people who were suffering in the world, then i realised how spoilt i've become. i always complain waa life damn sian hospital sian. then i realised, it's human nature to have a spirit of grumbling. i thought about the israelites, classic example man. when they were slaves in egypt, they complain complain grumble. then when moses delivered them from egypt, they complain why have you brought us out of egypt, it would have been better if we were still in egypt, at least have food and whatever. LIKE SERIOUSLY. then after that got food they complain they keep eating the same thing, manna. they just kept complaining and complaining man. i felt quite incredulous as i read it i was like waa this people seriously got problem. then after that i realised i'm a bit like that. i think when i was in JC i complain waa study so hard so sian man.. then when i went army i was like waa lao jc so much better. i wished i was back in jc. and ok la i dun wished i was back in army again, but i complain when i'm in medicine school. the thing is that i just keep complaining la. a spirit of grumbling. the bible is clear a spirit of grumbling isn't good. i think it may be a bit therapeutic sometimes to call someone and just say waa very sian leh hospital.. but ya all in all a spirit of grumbling isn't good. i think from now on, i would still grumble sometimes to my friends because that is my true feelings. i mean i don't think i will go and fake and like tell my good friends waa i feel very joyful i've to wake up at 6am tomorrow to go hospital to do pre rounds. i will grumble and complain a bit la. but then i will then tell myself it's alright, we all go through difficult moments. stay close to God, ask God to feel me with the joy of the Lord. i will remind myself how blessed i am with all that i have. i will be thankful for whatever God has given me, in this season. i will ask him for strength to go on and do my job. i will try to have a positive outlook on things as much as i can. i won't take myself so seriously. i will learn to relax when i can.. haha it's actually quite fun to complain and grumble sometimes but i won't let it become something negative. you know something like cross country training last time, when before training i would tell my friends wa lao damn sian man gotta train again and laugh about it. but then during training we put in our best effort, and do a good one, then after training, there's a sense of satisfaction and how we can look back and think that it was a good training session.

haha okk i talk a lot man and i think i've been talking a lot of crap. i shall go shower now..

2010-03-29T21:21:00.003+08:00

i'm back from london + norway + father's ultramarathon. haha it has been a great 4 weeks plus.. pretty amazing at times.

i thought about this during a nice afternoon bus ride today:

In this world, we hear of so many divorces, screwed up marriages/families. But i know there are many happy marriages, happy families too. Those where it's him for her and her for him. Those where they love each other enough to point out the small things they're not happy with, and to put aside their pride to apologise and forgive over the big things. Those where they stand by each other no matter what. Those where they still believe in old fashion love, romance and devotion to one another. That's what i want.

I also know there're many people who wake up real early in the morning, rush off to work, work and work until 8pm, come home, eat dinner quickly, shower, sleep. At work they rush around so much there's no more compassion or passion in their work. Money or promotion is their chief motivation. They don't spend much time with their kids. There's no time to visit parents or the in laws. But i also know there are people who have a good 7, 8 hours sleep every night. Breakfast is a relaxed sit at the table, either at home with bread/tea/cereal, or something from the hawker center : meepok/kway chap/chee kueh/teh/teh O. Then they don't work too long, ending maybe 4-5pm. but while they're at work, they work hard and work well. yes there's a smile on the face most of the time. and thank goodness there are jokes all the time. Home for dinner almost everyday and sit with the kids. There are opportunities to take leave from work regularly to go for mission trips/disaster relief/holidays/more holidays/sports events/be doctor for sports events. There's time to smell the roses. There's time for a movie at night. There's time to laugh at things. There's time to realise there are some things in life that just aren't that important. There's time to realise a relationship with God is the supreme aim of life. To realise that it is an unhurried walk, (a walk to remember) HAHA. There's time to take life less seriously. There's time to give each other a hug and kiss, a wine glass and berries. That's what i want man.

It's not that i wanna be a slacker. It's just that i realised there are some things that make me really happy. happy seems superficial but yeah, really happy. and i find that slogging at work doesn't make me happy. I find happyness from working hard and getting things done. like give me a really challenging task and i'll gladly work my ass off to get it done cos i find some sort of satisfaction in getting things done. But not like ALL the time till it compromise the other more impt things in life. i realised that money doesn't make me really happy. i mean i'm glad to buy stuff clothes shoes whatever, but i realised it's time spent with people that make me happy. Time spent with my close friends. A night out to the hawker center to have roti prata together is what makes me really happy. A meal with my parents makes me happy. a meal with my imaginary wife would be nice i think. a meal with my imaginary wife and kids will be awesome i think. Laughing really really hard makes me very happy. meeting nice people makes me happy(c.f. meeting not so nice bosses in hospital doesn't make me happy) So if those things are awesome, i wanna keep doing them. Playing soccer with my friends is awesome. Travelling to far away places is awesome. Running ultramarathons with my dad is awesome. learning to cook food at home is awesome. Spending time reading God's word is awesome. Spending time reading books on theology and stuff is awesome. a quiet walk in the park with someone is nice. BREAKFAST meepok/kway chap is awesome awesome. So like yeahh i think i'll like a good work life balance. a while back someone said when you consider what you wanna do in medicine, you need to think whether work life balance is important to you. Then, i thought to myself yes i wanna have a family life, but i'm sure i can get around it, even if i was to become a surgeon cos like so many people have done it. i'm sure they spend time with families and relax and stuff. basically i was just brushing off the thought of working a lot a lot a lot in hospital. But increasingly, i'm realising that some doctors really do have to spend a lot a lot a lot of time in the hospital. Like surgeons. And i'm pretty sure that's not what i want.

Some of you can go ahead and call me idealistic or unrealistic or whatever, and while you're at it, why don't you have fun continuing to feel sian with your life and your long work hours and slogging. haha.

So anyway just thinking out loud, what career options does that leave me, having spelt out what i want. My interests are probably only surgery, anaesthesia, GP. So surgery is out. Anaesthesia is pretty nice i think and nice work life balance haha. I don't mind becoming a GP too. Like i'm my own boss so i can take leave regularly to go overseas to do other stuff i want too like mission work or medical support for various events. Then i'll make my clinic really nice. Like carpets on the floor, jazz music, or maybe christian music playing hehheh.

but ok whatever i'm still bonded to the government for 5 years so i'll choose slack postings or sth. haha. but yeahh.. i think i'm getting a bit more idea of what i want. Many people seem unhappy with their working life in singapore. It's always sian la tmr got work.. sian la gotta work till late.. sian la cannot go out to slack. Especially many people who do well in sch/uni get those 'good' jobs. End up being sian for the good years of their 20s and 30s. But u know what i say, screw this rubbish i'm going to do what i like and have fun while i'm at it. I'm getting out of a rat race and doing it my style. Kinda like getting out of a tour group and doing a free and easy road trip. i'm gonna do the things that make me happy, and i'm not gonna sacrifice my good years of 20s and 30s for sth that doesn't make me feel really really happy all the time.

i actually had in mind to write a really smart post that made me sound intellectual and like a deep reflective insightful person, but the way it's turned out it seems too colloquial to sound intelligent alr. But whatever la intelligence is for another day, i'll take funny, cool, nice and relaxed anytime. haha did i just compliment myself. hAha.

2010-03-11T20:00:00.000+08:00

sth i emailed to the jym committee..

hello hellozz.. while you all are doing your call for timeout i will be hanging out at trafalgar square, south kensington and going to the british musuems bwahhahamuahahha i just had to say that sorry.. anyway everyone thanks for your concern i'm doing well. i'm sure all of you are very anxious to find out what or how i'm doing in london. i'm currently slacking in my apartment. it's 1138am and i woke up at 930am today. so i guess that sums it up. basically my consultant is a really nice and chill guy(kinda like me) and he told me to just enjoy myself in london. So the first few days i went hospital, help out in operation, help out in clinic, talk to patients, learn about orthopaedics, read x-rays etc etc.. but after that i've been having many days off. in fact, this week i only went hospital once bwahhhaa. and it was only in the afternoon just for a teaching session bwahaha. then next week i'm going to watch liverpool at anfield, then i might be skipping tues also to go check out some lake district national park. maybe maybe not. then like next fri i should be flying up to norway muahaha. hope to check out the fjords, take a train ride enjoy the wild rugged beauty that God hath created and maybe, maybe go see the northern lights muahahah. then i'll be back on sunday 28th march.. not in time for JYM though.

And it's not all fun and games K. i have been going to church. I went to holy trinity brompton the first sunday, and last sunday i went to all souls church. i attended OCF and had a bible study session on ephesians 5. you could say it was a bit of a deja vu. thoughts of caleb chua telling us cannot say bad words from his sermon came to my head. haha kidding. but yeah it was good. i've been having conversations about christianity with my friend who came with me. He's a catholic. have been talking to him about authenticity and my personal revival. and erm yeah...

basically i'm just in quite a relaxed mood. i don't rush around like a tourist. i take my time. like now it's alr 1145am and i still haven't done anything today except quiet time. in fact if i continue at this rate, i won't be doing anything in london bwahaha. but it's a good break i think. but i'm starting to miss home/jym. In fact i miss my mom. haha i told my overseas friends here that i missed my mom and they were like. ---___---

anyway it has been quite cold also. Yesterday i thought that london was getting warmer, so i just wore a t shirt and a wool jacket. then during the night i was dying. haha but yeahh i've been getting owned by the cold here. I came here looking like a tourist in my bright blue uniqlo jacket. But i went to buy a wool jacket from H&M and i think i can safely say that i've assimilated into cosmopolitan london. the greatest reward was if a tourist came to ask me for directions. that would be the climax of my trip for sure. But yeah. i actually haven't done much in london. like i haven't seen any musicals(although that might change tmr), i haven't seen the musuems(although that might change later). But i've had some fun shopping at sainsbury and i must say that NTUC, COLD STORAGE, SHOP and SAVE leave much to be desired, once you come here. The groceries here are so good. good good good.

ok to end off, don't study so hard la you all. You all come london here see how slack the students are then you will seriously laugh at yourself. The medical students here are either drunk or sleeping. haha ok i'm kidding, they don't sleep..
K i better stop here i'm going out now byebye...

2010-03-07T16:43:00.002+08:00

hello it's sunday morning. i'm going to all souls church soon.. soo ok i've been here a week. i'll summarise a bit. but before that. last night as i was walking back, i thought i saw someone being mugged ! but at that point of time i just thought it was 2 drunk guys in a dark alley. i was telling my friends what were the qualities i wanted in my ideal girlfriend. then we saw the 2 guys. then we walked on and i continued describing" i want her to be super caring bla blabla" then suddenly my friend was like. what were those people doing. then we just continued walking and as we reflected we realised the guy was probably being mugged crap man. we could have helped or sth. but then again we might have gotten ourselves in trouble. arghh. anyway i ran back after a while to go check and no one was there anymore. what a strange/scary experience.

ok anyway. so i'm staying at willesden green. Greater london. Not exactly the nicest place or nicest neighbourhood to stay in london. but whatever. my consultant in hospital has been extremely nice. he brought us out to eat lunch and ordered really really excellent food and stuff, and he lets us go off if we want to. like next week. we're only going hospital on tuesday afternoon for a teaching session. haha. so i'm gonna take my time to experience london. so on wed-thurs-fri i was kinda down with cold/flu. i caught it from my friend probably. but now i'm ok alr....

last night me and my friend took off our jackets and ran across the bridge at embankment. haha. ok i better go prepare for church if not i become late.

to be continueddd

2010-03-03T06:37:00.003+08:00

so far i've been enjoying my posting.. kinda. i scrubbed up in OT yesterday and helped with a TKR. it was just me and 2 regs so got to do quite a lot of stuff... i did some grocery shopping at sainsbury too and as usual i took awhile to make surei was getting the most value for money stuff.. today i went to clinic at st barts. it was quite similar stuff to singapore except the doctors say things like okie dokie, cheerio, how are you. hahaha. there's also less patients too i think. then i had this superb north indian food with glen and christine. tayyafs. super nice. we had mutton chicken lamb chop and nan. i actually liked the nan it was great. haha. then we attended a teaching session, left early. then i went to walk around embankment with glen, then i helped his sister move stuff, then i went to covent garden to have dinner together with brenda at nandos. it was great. then i took the tube back to my apartment, fell asleep on the tube cos i was so tired. got home, showered, now here i am. going to go to sleep. tmr gotta catch the tube early in the morning again.

so far 3 days, and i'm really liking london. haha.

2010-03-01T13:03:00.003+08:00

hello i'm in london now.. it's 5 am in the morning and i decided to wake up can't sleep anymore.. i left on the 27th of feb in the morning, and the flight was so so just that i thought the service wasn't very good.. haha food was ok.. anyway. i made the grave mistake of overpacking haiz. my luggage is like 31 kg! i immediately regretted it when i realised how heavy it was at home but i didn't have the good sense to repack so anyway i've brought too much clothes here. haha so when we arrived at heathrow, we immediately self owned cos we went to buy this prepaid sim card thing for 10 pounds. at first i was thinking how come so ex. and it's like 10 pounds just for the sim card, with no credit. then later we realised we could have gotten it for free in like most shops here. stupid stupid stupid. anw, we took the tube from heathrow, but our tube ended abruptly 2 stops before the place we were supposed to alight. so we had to take a bus replacement to the tube place. and i was carrying a super heavy luggage plus 2 sling bags it was worse than the load i had to carry during field camp la. much worse. so we couldn't get up the first bus cos too many people chiong for it. then we waited like 15-20 mins for the next one then many pple chiong too but we chiong the back. then during the journey the driver kept jam braking then i kept hitting everyone around me cos i didn't have anything to hold on to. then when we arrived at the station we still had to walk a good 10 mins to our apartment, dragging our luggages. when we arrived i really felt like we had just finished a 16 km route march or sth haha.

anyway, sunday i went with shawn to holy trinity brompton. as i arrived, the sound of tim hughes singing because of your love greeted me even when i was still outside the church building. loved it loved it. the worship was really great, and the band was so tight! i really love how tim hughes leads worship man. then the sermon was great too. by this guy called ken costa.. wow i really liked the service even though i had to leave early. i left early to meet my med sch friends for duck rice at bayswater it was very nice.. i tried to speak cantonese but could only say thank you haha and they didn't look terribly impressed or anything.
so after duck rice we went to a pastry shop and i ate mille feuille which is supposed to be a thousand layer cake but it was rather ordinary. then ok went to christine's apartment in st john's wood, which is a really nice neighbourhood, thrash my neighbourhood. i was telling brenda that st john's wood is like novena/newton, whereas my neighbourhood willesden green is like whampoa/balestier(no offense to those staying there haha). But it's alright it's not like i'm gonna live here or anything.

anyway my thoughts right now is that london is a great city.. i've been here once before but that was kinda negligible i went with my mep class when i was in j1 and didn't have time to do much also, and didn't have the brains to understand much also haha. but anyway i am thinking that london could be a place i wanna live in for a while. the english people have a good sense of humour i think, most at least. and the city is quite beautiful, though it has been raining. but yeah, based on my first 2 days, i could see myself living here for 6 mths or even a year. but oh well that might change with the next days we'll see. so i'm gonna prepare for hospital soon, gonna leave in about 1 hr plus..

ok bye..

2010-02-24T00:56:00.000+08:00

I JUST BOOKED MY LIVERPOOL TICKETS! LIVERPOOL PORSTMOUTH HERE I COME!!!!! ANFIELD YEAHHHHHH

2010-02-21T06:14:00.003+08:00

"If my life is fruitless, it doesn't matter who praises me. If my life is fruiftful, it doesn't matter who criticises me."

2010-02-17T16:52:00.002+08:00

From Darlene Zschech:

I don’t know your story but when I said yes to following Christ at the age of fifteen, I said a devout YES to following Jesus, whatever that meant. I was desperate for a sense of HOME in my heart.

I was already living out of home at this stage and had become lonely and quite complicated in my young and fragile self. I was looking for acceptance with no strings, and I was SO looking for some peace. I had NO idea about the benefits of accepting Jesus, the joy, the strength, and I certainly did not know about the Holy Spirit who comes as help and comforter. SALVATION to me was, and is enough; everything Christ did and is doing in me continues to take me by surprise. So you can see, I am EVER grateful for that Friday night when JOHN 3:16 – 22 was preached, and the light of Christ drew me home. A worshipper was released from prison that day...a prison of self, of disappointment, and of shame. And this worshipper lives in response to His great love, my life poured out as a thank you.

The reason I tell you this story is by way of testimony, of stirring up the grateful heart within which was built to give praise and honour. Psalm 78 says to us to tell our story, to speak of His faithfulness and wonders across the fabric of our everyday lives. As complicated as life may become…there is ALWAYS a way to bring forth that TRUTH of His kindness toward us, And this is one of the reasons I love the power of worship, as we sing the song of God that declares His goodness and faithfulness, His immense magnificence coming to meet us where we are at. And it may make some of you uncomfortable, BUT, when you are leading or singing, writing or creating from this place.. WOW, that sense of being abandoned to His will is highly contagious when it is authentic.

To all of you who are involved in leading, writing, playing, pastoring, or organizing any part of our congregational times of worship.. I encourage you today to do whatever you are doing from a constant platform of gratefulness. Maybe you too have to take some time to write down and remember how far you’ve come since Christ made His home in your heart. The miracles, the words He’s whispered deep into your soul, the breakthroughs…Lets always REMEMBER, lets TELL the story of His goodness, and lets worship the ONE who saved us! There is nothing worse than being led or instructed in worship by people who are going through the motions….c’mon…It’s a new day, there is an urgency in the air , the world is desperate to hear about this amazing ONE TRUE GOD. ! Lets lift up His name, bring our finest, and spend our 24/7 lives saying a deliberate and genuine THANKYOU.

From Me:
woww. "There is nothing worse than being led or instructed in worship by people who are going through the motions". I must admit i have simply gone thru the motions before. Don't wanna be like that anymore!

2010-02-11T15:01:00.002+08:00

Da bomb.

straight up, I would buy his cd, i would go to his concert.
haha i didn't realise how cool the lyrics were until he sang it.
also, i like the girl's red specs haha

2010-02-04T16:07:00.002+08:00

junxu's friend asked him this qn : why did God create man to glorify Him. Why is He such an egoistical God.

my reply:

God is omniscient, omnipotent, omnipresent. He is all powerful, all mighty. He does not need man to stroke his ego by worshiping Him. He created us to fellowship with us, to have a love relationship with us. It can be seen as how He put Adam in charge of the garden of eden, gave Adam the right to name all the animals. How he walked in the garden of Eden looking for Adam and Eve. James 2:23 Abraham was called God's friend. He created us for a love relationship with Him. He created us in His own image. Gen 5:1. That's why He sent his son to die on the cross for our sins. For God so loved the world! that he gave his son to die on the cross for our sins. John 3:16 Don't miss the point. Our God is a God of love, not a God of pride, or ego.

It is true that we were created to glorify God. But we glorify God when we walk in a loving, personal relationship with Him, when we know Him.
The question that asks why is God so egoistical to create us to worship Him, does not know that God is love. 1 Corinthians 13:5 It(love) is not rude, it is not self-seeking....
God did not create us to stroke His ego. He doesn't need that anyway. He created us for a loving relationship with us. God loves us!

Hope this helps though there is much more reading on this subject to be done. I'm sure the bible speaks volumes of why God created us, but i hope this suffice for now. Ultimately, i remembered what uncle Boon Cheang said. Even if God is so called 'bad', like He wants to bully us, barbeque us over the fire, burn us, make us suffer, what are we to do? He is still God, the creator of the universe. We would still have to worship Him, the creator of the universe, the one that holds the universe together. I guess we can choose not to worship Him la, be very bitter and angry. But at the end of the day, He is still the God who created you. So what can you do.. He is still the God of the universe, the one who holds everything together. We would still have to acknowledge that He is the one true God what. But aren't you glad our God is not like that. In fact, God is a good God who loves us, calls us His own, desires to fellowship with us. That is why ultimately when we go to heaven, we will fellowship with Him and worship Him forever.

Such is our God who gave us free will so that we choose to love Him and worship Him out of our own choice. He can jolly well created humans with no free will so that we will come before Him and bow down and worship Him, everyone. But when we choose to worship God out of our own free will, that is love. That is a love that God wants to give us, and what He desires from us. To love Him with all our heart, our mind, our strength..

2010-01-29T23:54:00.002+08:00

hello... i suddenly feel troubled and sian. today after committee meeting, i felt this like dark cloud came over me. one is, there is a mini overwhelming sense of waa so much to be done. and it's like christian activism at it's full force. but yet i feel as if there is some form of lack of depth in God. I long to be in the presence of God. It becomes apparent to me that christian activism without a deep sense of allegiance to God, to know Whose am I, Who am I, can be detrimental to the soul. It might become a distraction to a deep walk with God. A deep love for God. Friday evening, comm meeting, met my cell leaders to discuss cell stuff, sat, whole day leaders conference, sunday, whole day church, preaching in JYM... there's a prayer meeting to plan, there's cell agendas to think through. Interestingly, i'll be preaching on the key to discipleship on sunday. The key to being a genuine Christian on fire for God. Yet even i succumb to some signs of early soul fatigue. I realise my soul can be easily distracted. Christian activism can become a distraction. I long for a deep unhurried journey with Christ. To experience and taste Christ and see that He is good. I long for the power of the Holy Spirit to become a reality in my life, to see lives transformed and lives submitted to the Lordship of Christ. Yet YET YET i am lacking in faith, i am lacking in a deep prayer walk. the presence of God in my life is somewhat foggy. Sometimes i am assured of His presence, i am convicted of His truth. sometimes there is no awe, there is no wonder, there is no fear of God. I long for a fresh fear and a fresh reverence and awe of God's Almighty power. I long to see the banner of Christ lifted high, to know that we have the victory in Christ, because Oh the depravity of our society and dilution of the christian faith around me has battered my confidence and morale. I am afraid of evangelism, though i long to be a PDA christian. I want to see people turn to Christ in whole hearted surrender yet i am cowardly in my witnessing, more often choosing to please man than God. I long to see the power of Christ displayed, convicting the hearts of non believers and bringing them to a confession that Jesus Christ is Lord. I long for our Church leaders to move in the power of the Holy Spirit, in faith in the power of Christ, to speak with the conviction of the christian leaders in Acts, to have the fire of the Holy Spirit. But what i've often experienced so far is a watered down, diluted, diplomatic christianity. a comfortable christianity. a christianity that asks for God's blessings but rejects His call to surrender, death to self, carrying the cross. i myself, am guilty of being a dead christian. guilty of backsliding, guilty of serving money not God. haiz. what do i do. My sisters rejected the gospel of Christ, despite being 'christians' from young. Like me, they were involved in serving, church activities. but as can be seen, the storms of life came and revealed that their houses were built on sand. I long to see the power of God sweeping across the land, bringing my sisters back to Christ. It is so depressing and discouraging to see them wallowing in darkness. Why is it like that. I long to see the power of Christ displayed. I long for this depraved generation to come back to God. I long to fight the dark powers of the spiritual realm, to bring souls to Christ. but my soul is easily distracted. it is easily distracted. would you pray for me. Would you look around you and pray for the souls of man. Would you open your eyes to see the depravity, the sloth and slumber of our christianity. It is time to arise! it is time to move in the power of the Holy Spirit! It is a time to pray. It is a time to awaken to the attributes of God. It is a time to know that God is good, He is in control, He will bring it to pass. It is a time to know that victory is in Christ, and the devil is defeated. thus it is a time to move in the power of the HS and to win the souls of man. Oh but I am fearful. i am lacking. i am weak. I need the holy spirit in my life. I wanna know the love of Christ so deep. I wanna know the Father's heart. I really wanna be a real christian... God help me and break me.

2010-01-28T23:40:00.000+08:00

From Uncle Boon Cheang's Facebook Status.

THE MOST CRITICAL NEED of the Church at this moment is men - the right kind of men, bold men. The talk is that we need revival, that we need a new baptism of the Holy Spirit - and God knows we must have both - but God will not revive mice. He will not fill rabbits with the Holy Spirit. - A. W. Tozer

2010-01-28T16:45:00.004+08:00

Just now when i was doing QT, i was holding my highlighter and highlighting stuff, then i dozed off and so like my head approached(nodded towards) my table, and my nose touched my highlighter and i woke up and was like WHAT.. but good la after that i sort of got shaken up and i didn't feel sleepy anymore. I've been trying to rent apartments in london, and there was this apartment for rent in london for like 130 pounds per week. It was in lancaster gate, opp hyde park. which is quite an atas location la. and for that price it was like quite crazy. really cheap. So i went to email the guy and this was what he replied back after 10 mins :

Hello Dear
Thanks for emailing me concerning my flat in question.I really do appreciate your interest in my flat,You have been the first person on my email list that is contacting me about the flat,though i have lots of interested candidates who are also interested in the flat but it was actually because you contacted me first.I really do appreciate that.
Now i'll would love you to reply me back with the information now.are you renting the flat alone?,are you ready for the payment now incase i come down for the viewing or schedule the viewing time with you?do you have a phone number?and last but not the least i'm very sure you have a responsible friend's here in London .because i really do not want bad people around my flat.and i am actually renting the flat so cheap because i do not reside in London anymore i am now in Liverpool but i am now seeking for someone i will not chase away with the rent so i am renting the flat so cheap because i do not want to be after the money but after someone who is going to vow to take GOOD CARE of my flat for me because its really cost me alot....
Thanks
I hope to hear back from you with a positive reply now
Your's landlord to be
Mr and Mrs Lee Robert
N.B I'm sure you a aware of the rent which is £130 per week x 4 weeks = £520 PCM
and the refundable deposit which will be refunded back to you after your tenth days move in date which is £400
Total of £920
Flat is Situated @ Flat 8, Spire House, Lancaster Gate. Postcode: W2 3NP

I called up my friend immediately and we were discussing what's wrong with this guy. We were joking the house was haunted or sth and the guy is acting weird. so i replied a bit and asked for more info and this was what he replied :

Hello David
Thanks for your mail and your lovely answers,a Well as i have told you earlier that i have a lot of candidate mailing me on this flat ,but am just trying to be calm because you
are my first candidate and it wont be fair if you get to London and i told you the flat is gone. firstly what my lawyer says is that we need more of your commitment on this flat before you arrive in London ,we have to be sure that this person we are keeping this flat for till you arrive London, and the person has what it take to live in my flat and he or she is capable as well. we are not demanding for money from you but we need to be assure us that first you are coming to London and secondly you are capable that you have money to pay for the flat when you arrive because we have kept flat for some people and at the end they turn us down when they cant afford the fund for the flat. so what my lawyer says you
should do is that ,you will transfer the funds to your self here in London as a prove of your capability and trust. so all you need to do is that you will find a western union over
there in Your country and collect the transfer form, you
will see something like this...............
senders name...............Your Friend's name in Your country
senders address............Your address over there in Your country
receivers name...............Your name
receivers address..........united kingdom (London) so transfer the money to your self in London as the receiver of the money,then collect your receipt for this transfer . so it is this receipt that you will scan to me in my mail or a clean and clear picture of the receipt as prove to my lawyer that you have done what he wants and the flat will be kept for you till you arrive, so when you get here in London you can come and pick up your money here in London since you have your name as the receiver of the money and you have London as the receiver country address and you have your receipt with you as well your money will be given back to you immediately by the western union .just make sure you come along with the receipt for the transfer as well when coming to London. so you can now pay to us in cash after you have collected back your money from the western union if you love the flat after viewing. so tomorrow morning ,go and transfer the funds to your self here in London via western union then show me your receipt in my mail ,for my lawyer to see as a prove then i will keep my flat for you till you arrive once we receive the receipt from you,I'll send you a copy of the Tenancy Lease Agreement Form to S ign and resend back to me so that i can keep the flat on hold for you since you can sign the contact. so once i received the transfer
receipt from you I'll get back to you with the flat number i promise!
So get back to me ASAP tomorrow,i will be waiting,
Regards
Mr Lee Robert,
+447035989149 or +447035926535
P. S .... Rent is (£390) 3weeks for the whole flat and all bills are inclusive with the rent!
Deposit is (£400) which will be refunded back to you on the seventh day of your final move
Location Flat 8, Spire House, Lancaster Gate. Postcode: W2 3NP
So you are you make the transfer of Rent is (£390)3weeks plus the Deposit is (£400) = Total of (£790 ) to London in your name..so when you arrive London you can pick up the money.
Give me a call for more discussion

again, i called my friend and we were quite freaked out. But on first glance, what he proposed isn't that bad. I mean he isn't asking you to wire him money or anything. But anyway i didn't reply him. sort of wanted to wait and see. But then i couldn't really go to sleep so i went to google LONDON FLAT RENTAL SCAMS cos i suspected something. and true enough, this pattern, format of scams have been going on for very long. they get you to 'wire' money to yourself, giving you a false sense of security, and they also say got a lot of people waiting, to give you some pressure. So if you really wire money to yourself, and show them the proof of the receipt, what they actually do in London is they create a fake ID, put your name on that ID, print that receipt or have that receipt number and go to the western union bank and take all your money. Quite a lot of people have fallen trap to that man.. So anyway, glad that my friend and i suspected something. haha. I mean with this kind of poor english, most people would suspect something.

lessons :
1) If something is too good to be true, it probably is.
2) Always do research and have a high index of suspicion when doing any sort of transactions or deals in another country.
3) Be wary of the internet.

haha okk if you ever needa do sth like what i needa do, don't fall prey to these scammers!

2010-01-27T00:21:00.003+08:00

i heard this song on the radio while driving just now. i think i heard this song when i was quite young. haha. makes me feel kinda old but it's a nice song and the video has nice shots of central park in NYC, which i think i will get to see when i'm in new york bwahaa.. Meanwhile, if you're interested in tennis, i caught a bit of the nadal murray game and i'm kinda sad that nadal is out. I used to be quite anti-nadal and super pro federer, but i find myself rooting a bit for nadal now.. like i dunno he's just matured so much and i think i quite like his spirit and his hard hitting game. haha i dunno. Maybe if federer plays nadal now i'll be torn between who to support. but whatever, like you care. haha. OH YES! i hate my hair now. I wanna cut it but i can't i shall grow it as long as possible and cut it at the end of march before i start my posting at changi hospital, lest i regret in the future for not growing it as possible and taking a picture so i can at least know how i might look with medium lengthish hair.

2010-01-25T13:40:00.003+08:00

oh i watched hitch on saturday for awhile, and i like this line that Dr Hitch said. haha.
"Wake up each morning as if it was on purpose."

2010-01-25T11:40:00.002+08:00

SAN MIGUEL DEL MONTE, ARGENTINA, APRIL 18, 2009 I came to Argentina with a one-way ticket on Jan. 6, 2009, with no plan of what to do next or when to return. I met Mauro (pictured) in El Calafate, Argentina, and spent the next eight months taking weekend road trips with a South American Vespa club. This was taken in San Miguel del Monte, a small Argentinian town 140 kilometers outside the city of Buenos Aires. I would never have had the sheer pleasure of meeting this village, off the pages of the Rough Guide, had it not been for Mauro and his passion for Vespas.
— Leah Concannon, New York City

Waa travel for 8 mths taking weekend road trips... This guy went to Argentina not knowing what to do next or when to return. It sounds scary but wow quite exciting. I wonder if God will allow such extravagance with regards to traveling or backpacking. Like i've talked to this american who stayed at my house. He just left america to backpack the WORLD. Yes. the whole world. it'll take him like a few years or sth and he's alr finished Asia. Would God ever like ask me to do sth like that. Or rather, can that ever be God's plan for someone. I dunno man haha. a 2 week holiday i can understand. We all need a break, a rest, a time to chill out from working. But a 2 year backpacking trip. Wow. that's something else altogether. But i'm actually pretty sure if you were to travel the world for 2 years, you would come back, a better person, a more open person, more relaxed, able to look at things from a different perspective, learn to put things in their proper context, and perhaps enjoy the finer things in life more. haha. i dunno.

i'll be traveling usa on my own for about 5 weeks in may, the 6th week my friends are joining me. i'll be in montana for 4 weeks so during the weekends i may go Canada, or i may go to the national parks etc. and wow traveling alone is definitely new to me but it is exciting. When i go there, i think i really wanna open up my mind, be less singaporean, take risks, be less self conscious, experience life there... but i also hope that i will develop a godly perspective of life, to put life in its proper context, to see things the way God sees, to feel for the things God feels for, to feel less for the things that are less important.

2010-01-13T22:46:00.001+08:00

i forgot how good Westlife sounds! i really like the song World of our Own haha

2010-01-13T10:56:00.003+08:00

As i'm leading JYM worship, i went to read some articles on worship and got out some good stuff:

The worship leader has been asked to lead worship and is therefore spiritually and practically responsible for praying, getting there early, choosing the songs, practicing, and then leading us in worship. We need to grow leaders who are confident in taking risks, stepping up with authority to lead and supported by the rest of the church leadership team.

The worship leader is not the warm up act before the preacher gets on: the worship is the main deal. Worship involves everything we do from the way we welcome, to the singing, to the preaching, and the main reason we ‘do church’ is to worship God. So we need to encourage our worship leaders to own the responsibility and calling that is theirs. If you’ve been asked to lead worship, you must prayerfully, sensibly and creatively approach that time of worship with faith-filled expectancy. Let’s not devalue the currency of the worship leader by reducing our worship leaders to holy karaoke machines. It is a spiritual activity and must be cherished and valued.

When leading worship with our teams let's think about how we can make it fun. One of our values at Worship Central is to enjoy ourselves. I hope that after every team night, every rehearsal, every time we lead worship that the team come away having had a lot of laughs and great conversations. A sign of life will always be joy. Please let's avoid taking ourselves too seriously. Richard Foster in his book 'Celebration of Discipline' writes, “It is an occupational hazard of devout folk to become stuffy bores.” Let's buck the trend.

From Al Gordon : Love what Sandy Millar often says, "Intensity is not actually one of the Fruit of the Spirit." Makes me chuckle everytime.

I agreee... As a worship leader, i want to prayerfully think through my songs, to sense God's gentle leading, to prepare myself. Then i want to be at practice on time, help set up everything. Then i also don't want to be afraid of taking risks, and learn to step up with authority to lead the congregation. I want to constantly remind myself that i'm not a finished product and that i will always learn and can always be better. I want to get feedback and to always strive for excellence. I also wanna remind my team and myself that worship isn't just the singing, which isn't just a warm up kinda thing for sunday.. Worship is everything we do, the songs of praise, the listening of the Word, the fellowship with one another. My role is not just a holy karaoke song leader. Quoting from Al Gordon,"If you’ve been asked to lead worship, you must prayerfully, sensibly and creatively approach that time of worship with faith-filled expectancy". Faith filled expectancy, that's something i've been missing for awhile. And then, i wanna make worship practices fun, filled with great conversations and lots of laughs. I want worship sessions to be real and authentic, and when we sing, to sing with joy in our hearts. i don't want it to be just something we go through the motion. I don't wanna waste my time doing that! I want there to be real life, real cry, real praise in the worship. It's ok for it to be messy, and have life, than for it to be all prim and proper, but it's dead. That's what Mike Pilavacchi said and it has stuck with me.

I noticed our worship practices have become quite a bore sometimes, it's not interesting, fun anymore.. I want to change that. i will think how and try.. Wouldn't it be great if worship prac was something we all looked forward to, and come away having bonded with one another more, having a great time of making music unto the Lord? I think God would like that, rather than for us to drag our feets to prac with a long face that has our chins so low it's like scraping the floor and getting abrated, and playing our instruments as if it's last thing we want to be doing. music should be fun.

2010-01-11T16:45:00.003+08:00

i think the amount of time i spent sitting down, studying, has resulted in the development of butt sores. like i got one on my right butt now. (c.f. the kind you get sitting on the canoe seat. but you don't canoe you wouldn't know. haha)

wicked.. i wonder if anyone has ever died from infection of a butt ulcer developed during studying. Well obviously not. haha why am i talking to myself. stop it.

2010-01-10T00:35:00.002+08:00

you know my post before this, i can't remember how i came across it. argh.

i hate it when i can't remember stuff, like the stuff i'm studying for my exams.

ok anyway it's a Franciscan Benediction, though i don't know what is Franciscan. haha.

Is Ivan Chan a Franciscan. ok bye.

2009-12-28T01:01:00.001+08:00

May God bless you with discomfort
At easy answers, half-truths, and superﬁcial relationships
So that you may live deep within your heart.

May God bless you with anger
At injustice, oppression, and exploitation of people,
So that you may work for justice, freedom, and peace.

May God bless you with tears
To shed for those who suffer pain, rejection, hunger and war,
So that you may reach out your hand to comfort them and
To turn their pain into joy.

And may God bless you with enough foolishness
To believe that you can make a difference in the world,
So that you can do what others claim cannot be done
To bring justice and kindness to all our children and the poor. Amen. beyond words

2009-12-24T02:55:00.002+08:00

Just had a christmas dinner for the usual people this year... Preparations were quite crazy.. i started looking at recipes only last night, then today morning, i went to HV cold storage to buy ingredients. and i took like 2 hours. cos i was quite noob so i took quite long. looking around to see if there are cheaper alternatives.. like buying the cheese took me about hour an hour la.. then after that i went to ikea to buy deco.. i was rushing like mad cos i needed to be home by 1pm for my dad to use the car. so i bought stuff like quite quickly and had to be decisive. Then i reached home. put down the stuff, and went out with my dad and mom. my mom dropped me at ntuc thomson plaza.. then i went to buy like plates and forks and spoons and beef for my stew cos it was cheaper there than cold storage.. then reached home 3pm, got everything organised and did the stew at 4pm.. then shifted my table downstairs, then did the macaroni and cheese which took me so long!.. like i was done at 620pm.. then i had to like bring down my laptop, my speakers.. and then i had to go shower.. prepare drinks etc etc... then the girls came and had to do their cooking too so i could breathe a little easy i thought i was like late with my preparations. then the guys just self entertained.. haha then after that cook finish alr, we ate... started with starters like duh. haha. it was good. then slowly ate everything else.. it was really nice.. then we had drinks, dessert... talked a bit, etc etc until 12am then go home.. ohh yeah and skyped junxu too.. it was a nice christmas dinnerrrr

tips for hosting next time:

1) prepare in ADVANCE! you don't wanna have to rush around like a mad dog on the day itself. i think it might be a good idea to get the ingredients a day in advance.

2) Don't invite Joel Pang to your party. He dirties your table cloth within 10 mins of arriving, throws bits of the wine cork at people, pours drinks into people's cups when we're having a toast, then ends up irritating other people so much that they try to squeeze his cup and then u have some splash and a mess. zzzz. then throws other bits of food at people also.

3) it's a good idea to have a ice cooler box to store all the ice and to have plenty of ice.

4) candles shouldn't be placed on the dining table. or underneath the aircon. The aircon actually blows out wind which can extinguish the flame on candles! wow..

5) Don't invite Joel Pang

6) prepare the table, music etc in advance.. i guess if you're cooking, you just wanna be able to focused on cooking on the day itself..

7) prepare the drinks about 12 hours in advanced so they can have time to chill in the fridge

8) make some space in your fridge for other people to put their stuff such as wine

9) don't let food become cold outside, take it out only when we're going to eat soon

10) Use nice napkins. They put a smile on your face.

11) Let people get involved with things and help out..

haha ok it was a really fun time and i enjoy hosting dinners i think and maybe i might like to do this more. I really enjoyed the company thank you you guys who came.. I thank God for having friends like you all.......

2009-12-19T22:45:00.002+08:00

When you walk through a storm
Hold your head up high
And don't be afraid of the dark

At the end of the storm
Is a golden sky
And the sweet silver song of the lark

Walk on through the wind
Walk on through the rain
Though your dreams be tossed and blown

Walk on walk on with hope in your heart
And you'll never walk alone
You'll never walk alone

i'm not gonna read the sports page tmr, or read soccernet.

whatever. Come on you reds... come on!

man i really love this club. come on liverpool....

2009-12-15T00:16:00.003+08:00

today is a day worth blogging about..

i shall skip right to the point where i was eating fish bee hoon alone..

i went to take the mantoux test at tan tock seng, and then decided to eat lunch before going to SGH. so anyway i've always seen this fish head beehoon at novena but never tried before so today i decided to go try.. i ordered yu pian mee fen and it was so nice.. the fish very fresh the soup is nice i'll bring friends there next time.. as i was eating alone, i started like soaking in everything, and i realised that i liked eating alone in singapore quite a lot. it was kinda stupid, but i felt like this is where i really belong.. walking into a hawker center kinda place, ordering food in chinese, eating food i love, seeing same type of people around me.. seeing people chope seats with tissue paper and stuff.. speaking singlish, ordering lime juice. it was lunch time and like afternoon office crowd and everybody was sort of rushing, but it felt like nice.. even though i was alone, i had a really nice lunch.. sometimes i complain that other cities like paris can dine al fresco so cool... but i guess dining in hawker center is my own al fresco type of experience, singapore style.. even as i prepare to travel alone to usa in may, i know how intimidating it can be walking into a cafe full of americans, and trying to order some food. i know that during those times, i will surely miss the novena fish bee hoon haha.. but my point is that i really love singapore. some people's idea of a good meal may be in like an air con restaurant with nice expensive food, i think for me, it's eating at a hawker center with really nice food... even if i sweat like a pig also nvm..

ok this is such a stupid post.

2009-12-10T19:02:00.004+08:00

i needa talk abit about my marathon so next year if i do it again i can read this and be reminded how it went.. soo ai ya i go watch korean show first.. back. i think mark richmond is quite a lousy sports games commentator leh.. but then again maybe he's the best singapore's got.. haha. so marathon day i couldn't sleep after 2:15 am so i tossed in bed till about 230 am and i just woke up, went to shower, eat bread, wasted time until 4 plus then went to the race.. after my mom dropped us, my dad made me deposit our bags. then we went to pee in the bushes opp suntec city. then we went to the start line... we were standing at the sub 4hr30 line i think.. thennn the race started, and immediately i felt like peeing. like crazy right i just peeed. so anw when i reached 1km it was about 6 mins plus so i got a shock and started running faster until i caught up with my dad around 4 km, who promptly told me to slow down which i did.. at 5km it was 30 mins and i walked for 5 mins.. when i started running after that 5 mins i felt so fresh again and i saw some pple peeing at the side so i went to pee with them and when i turned around 2 girls were standing there waiting to use the mobile toilets but whatever so i went on running.. i even washed my hands after peeing ok, with the water from the drinks stations. then okk everything went fairly ok.. running 30mins, walking 5 mins.. i did 16km in 1hr35min, 28km mark i was 2hr50mins, which was almost 1 km ahead of my target.. anw, things started going downhill from 30km onwards.. my muscles started becoming tight and heavy.. this is probably due to lack of mileage training.. i think in my running training, i need to be doing much more mileage like maybe 35-40km a week kinda thing.. soo i really hit the wall, started running, then couldn't take it, walk more, running, walking.. and it became more walking than running.. my hope of hitting 4:30 was fading fast and soon it became clear i couldn't make it.. so i just struggled all the way to the end and did 4:46mins.. i guess i would have been fairly ok with it, but then i'm sad i didn't hit 4:30 and bring home junxu for the Lye family hahaha sorry aunty and uncle.. so things to remember if i do this again:

1)mileage training is very impt so my leg muscles don't die

2)the power gel makes my throat feel funny, maybe i shouldn't take it

3)don't drink too much water before the race starts

4)just use the bag deposit next time

5)wear proper socks

6)tape my feet

i guess that's about it...

hopefully i get inspired to do this again next year... i just wished i had a training buddy maybe i should train with my dad.. He did 3hr55mins by the way i think he was like 4th in his age group.

so after the marathon i went for camp... i didn't play any games at all sadly.. i should have just pon sch on monday. anw, the sessions were good. the first one on sunday night, i felt like there could be more development from mike pilavacchi.. zephaniah 3:17 right. I wished there was more explanation into the context, under what historical circumstances did God give this verse, etc etc, more application.. However, maybe that might bore the youths.. all i can say is that the way he does it really engages the youth and speaks to their hearts so that's great.. then i went to sch on monday, and got worried about ponning, but whatever, i left halfway and came for camp.. then erm yeah had to rush to worship lead.. hmmm how did i feel about the worship.. well all i can say is that i feel so inadequate leading up there, it was a bit scary too given that there were so many people. add on the fact that i was not like fully immersed in the camp kinda thing and like i arrived there at 645pm and immediately had to rehearse etc so rushed and everything but i hope the worship helped people look to God, give Him praise and glory.. worship leading is not easy and i'm definitely still learning so much.. i feel most inadequate in the talking part, like getting people hyped up and everything but i also think that if youths always had to be hyped up to worship God then that would be sad.. but then again doesn't mean i be passive and not say a single thing but then like ya.. i must learn to lead with the anointing of Holy Spirit and sensitivity of how the Spirit is moving. then ok that session was great, i thought the session on prophecy was excellent.. definitely gave me a lot of insight into the gift of prophecy, a topic i've always sort of sidestepped in my christian walk i think.. then yaa spent the night not doing much, talking to ryan mostly then went to my room shower and sleep and woke up late with alex and kenneth hahaha. honestly i had a "get thru the camp" kinda attitude sometimes, but i must say i've come away from it very blessed, and wanting to know God in a deeper and more personal way....

in my QT today, i read in jeremiah 34:16-17 that the people in israel/judah promised God to free the slaves, then when things became better, they went back on their word and took back the slaves to be their slaves.. like they went back on their word to God. God said that profaned His name. I think that tells me that God remembers the covenants with have with him, the so called commitments we make to him.. i guess it's like singing Lord i offer my life to you sincerely, then the next moment going after the things of the world, putting God aside. it's kinda like profaning the name of God. so the lesson is to be singleminded in christ(Jer 32:39), commit ourselves to Him and stay committed. commitment may not be adequate. i think it should be surrender ourselves to Him and stay surrendered. Have you surrendered sth to God? maybe the camp has touched you in a deep way? Don't forget about it the next moment ok.. continue to grow in the Word and hunger and delight in Him..

2009-12-05T19:07:00.002+08:00

TMR is marathon day.. it's 707pm now i'm gonna eat my dinner soon and sleep at like 8pm hopefully.. I made a deal with Junxu and i dunno if i should put it here but whatever la i don't even think anybody reads this blog. i said my aim for this marathon is sub 5hrs. then i asked him what his previous marathon time was.. it's 4hr20mins.. he said if i can beat that he'll fly back to singapore during the winter.. then i was like are you serious. then he was like yeah his mom wants him to fly back.. so i'm like waa so if i run 4 hr 20 mins 1 sec how.. then he say 4hr30mins, he give me discount. SO AUNTY, WISH ME LUCK, YOUR HOPES ARE ON MY SHOULDERS.

so my goal has to be sub 4 hr 30 mins now... it is a great challenge for me but for the sake of junxu's mom i shall try my very best... DAVID LIM, YOU'LL NEVER WALK ALONE. COME ON YOU REDS AND COME ON DAVID LIM!

2009-12-01T01:00:00.003+08:00

This is a photo i got from the liverpoolfc.tv website. it shows an everton fan helping a liverpool fan down the stairs, during the liverpool everton match at goodison park.. and i was quite moved by the picture because everton-liverpool is a fierce fierce rivalry. yet despite all that, the human spirit just came out so beautifully here. wow this is an amazing picture..

2009-11-27T17:02:00.001+08:00

20km 1hr53mins super tiredddddd

2009-11-21T20:44:00.002+08:00

hello... i ran 17.5km today...

i've a new strategy... run 30 mins walk 5 mins.. so i did there 3 times... so i took 1hr 45 mins to finish my run anyway.. i think the strategy is good anyway, cos muscles are numbed or like easily cramped by latic acid which is produced by anaerobic respiration.. so it's good to like keep the leg muscles well oxygenated i think and not strain it early.. my legs are so tired and hurting now.. haizz the marathon will be a true challenge but i think with my new strategy i hopefully can do a good time.. i've set a humble target of sub 5hr hopefully i can make it..

2009-11-14T20:50:00.002+08:00

i haven't been blogging much because i haven't been running much.. i went running today though.. 11.5km i think i took 1hr7mins which was longer than previously but i felt quite relaxed. my heart rate was about 23/10 secs. the weather was great and i was feeling comfortable and towards the end running at a good pace.. i was like imagining that there were people at the side of the road cheering me on hahaha. i even sticked out my tongue, smiled and gave a thumbs up to my imaginary supporters hahah.. My dad is advising me to run 30 mins and walk 5 mins for the marathon but i'm not sure if i should take up that advice...

anyway update on my life.. right now, i'm at a place where i need to intentionally spend more time reading and studying the word of God. i have a hunger, but the things of the world tend to distract me. i need to be more focused. school wise, i need to start studying for my pathology professionals. i also need to settle my overseas electives. originally supposed to be UK and africa but now looks like africa might be out. so i might be taking up this 8 week colorectal surgery thing at SGH. oh well we'll see how it goes. in terms of the residency program in singapore, initially i was like oh crap how am i going to get the surgical residency. i think there's only like 6 places in SGH and 8 places in TTSH and a few other places in the other hospitals which means it will be extremely competitive. like super. so many people wanna do general surgery. But i'm learning that God has a purpose and plan for my life, and i shall rest in that plan and purpose. I want to walk with the presence of God in my life....

In a separate issue, i was just talking to my mom, and i'm learning that my dad is really concerned that i don't have a girlfriend. Like seriously. He told my mom in RJC there were so many girls, now in medicine got about hundred plus girls. still no girlfriend, does he have some problem? hahahaha. i realise i do get some funny traits from my dad.. he is super super rubbish and actually very funny. kinda like me. hahaha. my mom just kept on laughing today at his crazy antics. like after he came back from his 30km run, he told my mom he wants to carry a grandchild. and started going on about the need for me to hurry up get married. and my mom teased him that it's ok if i remain single, like how paul remained single. and my dad got so worked up he started scolding my mom hahahah.

2009-11-13T22:31:00.002+08:00

John Mayer is my favourite rock/pop artist

2009-10-21T22:09:00.000+08:00

This is so cool. If i go on a holiday. This is something i wanna do man.. whitewater rafting then walk and hike up a mountain or sth haha.

2009-10-21T21:14:00.003+08:00

i just drank some water, then gurgled it in my mouth, and some squirted out. haha. my mom hates it when i gargle water then drink it. she says very disgusting. but i merely do it just to sort of clean my mouth, after eating. and like the things in my mouth are food particles what. they are things i ate just now. so not that gross right. but ok la i can see why it might be seen as quite gross. nvm next time when i go out with a girl or sth i just don't do that, then if we get married then i start doing that then she'll regret marrying me bwahahha.

ok 5km run today, 5km run monday. today 26 mins, heart rate 23 beats/10sec. easy run

2009-10-20T12:14:00.002+08:00

I'm so gonna lobby for this to be sung in JYM.

ONLY YOU CAN SATISFY

by Caleb Clements

In all of my life Iʼm searching

For what can be only found in You

Only You can satis-----fy

Iʼve seen what the world can offer

In all that can sway me I have found

Only You can satis------fy, only You can satis-----fy

To live for Christ, I first must die

To all the rivals in my life

it's on worshipcentral.org, under new songs..

2009-10-19T01:22:00.004+08:00

may i just say this: liverpool may have lost to sunderland, but the fact of the matter is that i love this club so much. and i dunno i just admire the spirit of hope in adversity, being optimistic, positive, pressing onward; compared to a spirit of resignation, pessimism, negativity in the face of subsequent defeats. i admire benitez and carragher for saying, let's put this behind us, learn from mistakes, and look to the next game.

it's foolish to say our season is over, we do admit we have a major setback, but then let us rise up and do our best for the next one.

similarly in life, when we have a failure, are we gonna say ai ya it's over, GGXX to da MAX. i give up la i might as well just screw up my life. or are we gonna say," k i may have failed, but then i learn to pick myself up, dust myself off, and start all over again." i can still do my best and still succeed. even though this situation is so crappy, i'm just gonna do my best, and believe that i can still make it thru the rain, and stand up once again.

which then leads me to the point about what is the greatest need of the world now, in the midst of intense and immense suffering all around. We ask, what is the greatest need for the people in Padang or wherever earthquake/flood areas, those who have lost their loved ones, homes, livelihood. is it a shelter, is it for everything to be rebuilt again? i guess that is so important, but the most important would be hope. The greatest need for this people is hope. if there is no hope, there is no point going on.

If liverpool got no more chance to win the title this season, mathematically, then there is no more hope, then there is no point playing well anymore what. as in ok fine to get champions league or whatever but that's besides the point. you get my point. When we lose hope, when hope is gone, then there's no point going on. Therefore the greatest need for these people is hope. And where does this hope come from.

Christ Jesus.

I will think thru this issue more and then comment about it. You who are reading. Think about it too. For if we can answer the question of why this hope comes from Christ Jesus, then we can answer the question of why do we even bother to spread Christ to the ends of the world. We can be convicted of the reason why sharing the gospel with people in Padang, tribes in rural faraway areas, mission trip in cambodia etc etc, will make a difference to this people's lives. Otherwise, mission trips, going out to evangelise to needy people will just be some sort of self indulgence in our own religion to make us think we are fulfilling God's plan, which we are i guess, but then i don't think we truly understand why God wants us to evangelise to these people.

on a last note, back to the beginning, COME ON YOU REDS! I will always stand by you and cheer you on and know that as long as there is hope, we will go all the way for the title man and we will not give up. COME ON YOU REDS! YWNA

2009-10-10T18:55:00.002+08:00

i just returned from a 11.5km run. it's sort of the same story again, starting wasn't easy(it's really weird) then just got better as i went on. i took 1hr2min10secs which is an improvement from my previous time by about 1 min haha. i think p>0.05 though so maybe there is no significant difference. Haha i can't remember if that is the correct p value. anyway i've decided to say hi to every passerby runner alr. it's quite nice to do that. and wa lao today the roads were filled with monkeys man.. i felt like i was in monkey land or sth. crazyy there must have been more than 150 monkeys i ran past along the way.

k time to go eat dinner now....

2009-10-09T18:28:00.003+08:00

just read sth great from john piper:

Back in 1978 I spoke in Aspen, Colorado, to a gathering of Inter-Varsity students and people off the street. At the end of my talk one of the students asked a very common question. He said, "Isn't Christianity a crutch for people who can't make it on their own?"

My answer was very simple. I said, "Yes." Period.

2009-10-06T04:17:00.002+08:00

ai ya i slept accidentally last night at 10pm so now it's 420am and i just woke up. ok anyway i ran yesterday, 11.5km. Start of run was not that great. i realised i haven't recovered from my long run on sat. so when i reached the downhill uphill part i finally couldn't take it and walked one uphill. haha actually not really cannot take it but just didn't wanna take it. then on the way back i walked one more uphill. but then on the flat road home i felt good and picked up the pace a bit. time was 1hr 3mins. while i was at lower pierce reservoir, i finally took a break today to enjoy the view and tranquility of the reservoir, and i realised it's a great place to just be when you're feeling really down. or for that matter, just a place to shut out everything else in the world and reflect or just get away from it all. Next time i will bring my wife there. haha. i think it's more quiet and sort of nicer than macritchie reservoir. by the way, i watched liverpool's loss. haiz. i was sad on sunday night but then i agree with rafa benitez, no point discussing whether out of title race all that crap. the focus has to be on the next game, sunderland. win that one then look to the next game. all i can say is it's gonna be a long title race. Come on you Reds!!

ok i go study now.

about 8 weeks and 5 days left to the marathon, i think got enough time to get in shape....

2009-10-03T21:40:00.003+08:00

it's great weather to be blogging now.. apparently it's 26 degrees now that is so so nice.. i wished it could be 26 in the day... anyway, i ran 14.5km today haha.. the weather was really cool so before i ran i upped my target to run approx 13km.(i was intending to run 11k) my dad ran 30km today in 2hr49mins which is really fast man. i definitely cannot do anywhere near that for now. but so off i embarked on my run with a spring in my step, anticipating a good run. but abt 10 mins into the run, i was feeling it alr man. mild stitch kinda feeling. i was wondering to myself what is wrong?? a few days back i ran 7.5km easily without much problems and here i am now having that stitch thing. it's really quite offsetting, if that's the right word. so anyway, i went into the reservoir, the uphills and downhills didn't help. i was feeling more and more tired. in my mind i alr scrapped any plans of running more than 11km. anyway, after i came out of the uphill downhill part(i would need to describe to you my running route someday), i continued running. by now i had run like about 6km.. so i just like looked at the white line on the floor and just let my brain drift off. sort of just think about my breathing and like ya my mind was a blank. so run run run run run.. i was also thinking to myself why is today's run so crappy, when i normally do very well in the cool weathers. so anyway, it soon started to drizzle, and the drizzle eventually evolved into light shower.. as i u-turned, i realised the little stitch feeling which was bugging me disappeared. and i felt really good. like my pace just picked up, and i felt really fresh and good. haha. the rain grew in strength and with that my body grew in strength too. there was some sort of marrying between the rhythm of the rain and the rhythm of my strides. haha ok i'm being lame but anyway, it was as if i was gaining some sort of power from the rain. i then overtook this runner along the way, and when i went past him, i said hello. He was panting away and so he went like HARr LLO! strangely, i had goosebumps when he said hello. haha it felt good, i should have said all the way man or sth but ya i just ran away. with each stride i was gaining momentum and feeling better and better. YES! as i reached the entrance to the uphill downhill part, i made the decision to turn in and go for another 3.5km. so yeah i ran in. but waa the uphills was quite taxing on my quads man.. by the time i was out of the uphill downhill part, i felt shagged man. the hills took its toll on me. but ya just left 2.5 k back home so i just continued.. and when i reached my house i raised up both hands like crossing the finishing tape and pumped my fist in victory. haha.

my time was 1hr25mins..

anyway, my problem could be that i didn't warm up properly. which was why i was struggling at the start. also could be cos i'm still not up to fitness yet la.. but the second part really felt good i mean that's was when i felt like running was actually sort of enjoyable. u know, like to be able to run at a fast pace for quite long without feeling tired. that sort of top of the world kinda feeling. it sort of felt like i was running in abandonment or sth. haha ok this is starting to sound gay.

it's 10pm noww, i still haven't done much studying for my paediatrics end of posting test which is in less than 2 weeks. k i shall try to do some tonight.. but for now, i shall go say a prayer over my grandma's leg she fell down on thursday... she has a small fracture on her left superior and inferior pubic ramii but management is conservative so yup hope she gets well soon. your prayers for her would be really appreciated haha..

2009-10-01T20:20:00.002+08:00

today i ran 11km... haha it was tiring at the beginning and even halfway but i must say it got better towards the end.. ran into some runners(literally) along the way. but the strange thing is, when i'm running at macritchie, the runners all say hi when they run past you. it was always like nice to just say hello to a fellow runner. but the strange thing is along the roads of lower pierce reservoir, the people don't say hi. i thought about it but in the end i just kept myself quiet and focused on panting and being tired.

Lower pierce reservoir is actually quite nice u know.. it looks different from when i went there when i was much younger. the trees near the entrance are aligned much nicer now and groomed very nicely and it almost looks good. haha

k time to start studying. when 1pm rolls along tmr and i'm eating my lunch, i will be a happy man. cos that will mean my tutorials are over and i'll just be left with lectures which are non-intimidating. i might reward myself with a movie or sth tmr night yeahh

Weekend come come come

2009-10-01T20:18:00.001+08:00

something from timhughes' blog at worshipcentral.org :

How to be a worship leader without being a donkey.

My good old friend Mike Pilavachi wrote this a while back and I thought you might find it helpful as well. Some great practical advice on leading worship.

1. Before choosing a worship set, THINK! What has God being saying to the group recently? What are the group thinking, worrying, rejoicing about? How can I reflect this in the choice of songs? What is God wanting to say in the group? What do the other leaders think we should be focusing on?

2. Before choosing a worship set or band, THINK! Who is likely to be there? How many? (a six piece band for a cell group of seven may be considered over the top). If there is going to be either a few guys or girls and they cannot sing very well, then lots of songs with male/female repeats may not enhance a worshipful atmosphere.

3. THINK! What do the words of the songs I am choosing say? Do they flow one into another or have they been chosen because “we need a fast one here” or because “we didn’t do that one last week.”

4. THINK! Some songs may not work so well in a group of ten as they do with 3000 so….don’t use them in that setting. ‘Did you feel the mountains tremble’ is a fantastic anthemic song. It probably works a little better at a festival than at a cell group. The loud raucous cheers aren’t the same when there is only ten of you. Choose some songs that non-musicians can actually sing.

THINK! If you are repeating a chorus or phrase of a song, do you know why? Is there any reason other than “You’ve got to a song more than once, haven’t you?” or “I felt led”? There are certain verses which can be repeated and don’t ruin the worship or bore the worshippers to death.

If you want to repeat a song, have a reason in mind for doing so. Is
there something new that needs emphasizing second time around?
By varying the speed or the musical accompaniment to the song am
I wanting to move from praise to adoration or vice versa?

5. THINK! Probably as a general rule, don’t start songs to which you know neither the words or the tune. It just makes you look silly and distracts everyone else.

6. THINK! If you have felt led to go into a free and spontaneous time of prophetic singing / dancing / clapping / undressing, do open your eyes at some stage to check everyone else has not left / fallen asleep/ died / joined the moonies

Remember KISS – Keep It Simple, Stupid!

2009-09-28T21:06:00.000+08:00

Something great from Tim Hughes again...

"The church that can't worship must be entertained. And men who can't lead a church to worship must provide the entertainment." A.W. Tozer.

This is quite a challenge - especially as we all prepare to lead worship this Sunday. Are we going to pull out the classics, and try and force people into a time of worship? Are we going to rely on our own strength to make something happen? Or, are we going trust and follow God to lead us in a beautiful, deep and meaningful encounter of worship.

John 6:63
"The Spirit brings life; the flesh counts for nothing."

Perhaps the best thing we could do in terms of our preparation for leading worship is to spend some time in God's presence, seeking Him and asking that He may fill us up with the Holy Spirit and use us in power to bring glory to Him.

Let's go for it. Who wants shallow entertainment when we can give people Jesus!

2009-09-28T00:35:00.001+08:00

When the lights are low, and the kids are all asleep, and you can almost hear the snow fall... here's a relaxing multi-genre selection of softer Christmas favorites.

i just saw that description for a Christmas CD..

waaaaa i want to have a white christmas with snow.....

2009-09-26T16:51:00.004+08:00

just got back from my run.. i'm still perspiring and i hope i dun sweat unto my mac.. today wasn't good i wanted to do 7.5km and having done 3km and 5km on tues and wed i was confident that this would be a breeze in the park, in other words an easy run. but around 2km into the run i felt tight and like i had the stitch feeling. my cross country coach used to tell me that stitch is for those who skip training and not train enough. zzzzz.. anyway, i endured the pain.. just before i u turn, i saw a komodo dragon, or monitor lizard. dunno whether they're the same thing but ya i saw that big lizard, trying to get back into the forest thingy. i was running along the road at lower pierce reservoir and so it was fenced up, so like from outside, it's hard to get into the forest. maybe to prevent monkeys from running out onto the road. but monkeys climb unto the trees and climb down anyway so i dunno maybe the fence is just to prevent komodo dragons from coming out. anywayz, this one came out somehow and was frantically trying to get back into its 'natural habitat'. i ignored it and continued running.. at 3.75km i turned around and went back, and when i went past that same place, the big lizard was still trying frantically and desperately to get back in. it was like trying to squeeze past the fence. despite its most valiant efforts, it could only look sadly as its body couldn't get thru.. being the knight in shining armour, i stopped to offer it help. (in truth the stitch was really wearing me down) I tried to pull up the bottom of the fence so that there's a big hole it could go thru. but when i finally managed to do that, it was either going the opposite direction from me, or stoning. in short, it just didn't wanna be helped. i felt really sorry for it, but after a few brief episodes of "i cannot give up, must help this lizard then i can blog about how i helped it", i finally gave up and just continued my run. haha wonder what happen to the big lizard. i think i stopped and rest there for like 8-10 mins. i was even thinking of calling SPCA.

haha oh wait lizards aren't animals right.. haha..

on another note, i'm having family problems again, more specifically, sister vs parents problems.. you know i guess everyone has their fair share of family problems, u know how children are rude towards parents everything, quarrel and fight etc etc.. I firmly believe children should obey their parents, and parents should love their children and bring them up in the right way. Fathers must not exasperate their children (Ephesians something something), but must something something. but children must still still obey their parents.

2009-09-24T22:04:00.003+08:00

somehow i got bored enough to watch some taylor swift mtvs on youtube, and then ended up on her personal website and read a blog post from her. and wow i gotta say she is really funny. the way she writes is like so interesting, 100 times more interesting than the way i'm writing now. i guess my singapore education has groomed me to write in such a boring uninteresting way, while the americanness of america developed her to write in such a witty and interesting way. i wished i could write like her and sound really cool...

typing that just caused my cool rating to drop. wow i am a total immature geek.

2009-09-24T20:03:00.002+08:00

i think mariah carey is one of the best singers ever.. i'm listening to through the rain now haha..

2009-09-18T23:17:00.000+08:00

something from Tim hughes..

Let's be honest, we all at times struggle with either insecurity, jealousy or an unhealthy competitiveness. Or maybe it's just me! Over the Summer I read through the John's Gospel and was so inspired by the way Jesus, the God who came to bring LIFE interacted with broken, ordinary people. The Gospel doesn't hide the frailties and complexities of people but paints a picture of the transformation that can happen when Jesus is present.

One key character is Peter. Full of passion and determination but with a real knack for getting things hopelessly wrong, most vividly seen when he denies Jesus. In John 21 there is a beautiful encounter where Jesus re-instates Peter. He welcomes him back in to the fold and empowers him to carry on following Christ. The challenge is laid out - feed my sheep, but also the warning that now Peter would have to live a life which involved surrender, following Christ and being led to places where he would really rather avoid (John 21:18) As the enormity of this call rests heavy on Peter's heart I can imagine him looking at the other disciples - am I alone in this? Will others suffer to?Peter then looks at the disciple John and asks Jesus, what about him? Jesus replies,

"If I want him to remain alive until I return, what is that to you? You must follow me." John 21:22

I relate to Peter's question. I catch myself looking at others and thinking, what about them? Are they achieving more than I am? Does God seem to be using them more powerfully? Are they more popular? Do they seem to be more effective in what they do? The problem with these questions is we either look at others and then feel insecure about our own walk with God. We end up striving to play 'catch up.' We push ourselves to achieve, not out of a love for Christ, but because in the eyes of man we don't want to get left behind. We need to be so careful that our insecurity doesn't force us to run a race that is not marked out for us.

The other danger is we look at others and begin to judge. They're faking it! They may write amazing songs, but have you seen how they speak to others! The accusations fly around in our minds. This trail of thought can lead to nothing good whatsoever. In keeping a jealous eye on someone, spiritually we begin to diminish and shrivel up inside.

Perhaps we need to hear Jesus words again in terms of what he calls others to do, 'what is that to you?' We're called to follow Christ. Every path will be different. Every journey will take varied turns. We need to learn in our lives not to lag behind what God is doing, but also not to run ahead.

2009-09-17T21:14:00.002+08:00

i just suddenly realised that Daniel Negreanu looks like Chris Tomlin!

haha..

anyway, something from Isaac Watts :

He wrote " God values not the service of men, if the heart be not in it. The Lord sees and judges the heartl he has no regard to outward forms of worship, if there be no inward adoration, if no devout affection be employed therein. It is therefore a matter of infinite importance to have the whole heart engaged steadfastly for God.

2009-09-12T18:33:00.000+08:00

2, 4, 6, 8
who do we appreciate!

2009-09-10T22:24:00.001+08:00

And i know that God is leading in a clear and certain way

My one life for your purpose, Jesus, i offer up this day.

To follow you completely, to do all that you say,

Cleanse my life, fill me up.

And use me this day.

Make a certain breakthrough. Make it today

2009-09-07T23:15:00.000+08:00

at the risk of sounding like an idiot, i shall describe my surroundings now.
i'm in my parents room. the lights are off except for a table lamp. my mac is on and i'm listening to christmas songs on itunes radio.
i'm preparing for lectures tmr and so i'm studying. the song that is playing is "it came upon a midnight clear".
somehow good reflective music has the power to transform a dreary monday night into something more surreal, more calm and peaceful.
i think i sound like an idiot

2009-08-28T23:52:00.002+08:00

helloo.. what is it with korean songs that make them so nice?? the melodies and harmonies are like really nice and sort of 'romantic'. They somehow are able to evoke certain emotions in me.. dunno how to describe la.. is it the language, or is it the way koreans market themselves... just a few years ago, nobody knew anything about korean songs and dramas right..

i dunno how to explain myself, but somehow i hate the way korean dramas or songs make me feel. or for that matter, hate the way how any romantic show or love story leaves me feeling at the end.. dunno how to describe haha..

anyway these are the futile and immaterial things in life.

haha i am like writing rubbish

2009-08-22T11:48:00.002+08:00

haha i dun think the rumours about liverpool signing van der vaart are likely to turn into reality.. sighh.. haha oh well..

anyway it's a nice saturday afternoon and i just got back from prayer in church and breakfast... prayer was really good, we have to be serious about prayer! okk i shall go slack around now and maybe pack my room and like put up some pictures on my wall...

2009-08-21T04:27:00.003+08:00

LIVERPOOL PLEASE SIGN RAFAEL VAN DER VAART PLEASEE!!! DON'T RAISE MY HOPES UP TO SEND ME CRASHING DOWN.....

HAAHA i just read joanne's blog about her conversation with her dad in the car. waa i really LOL and ROFL man.. shucks like seriously super funny i'm still like laughing now hhahaha.. how could uncle vincent call her the wrong name HAHAHAHA... He's damn funny.

anyway u know i just woke up and i dreamed of sth quite funny. it was like this mini church camp thingy and we were playing some mass game. i can only remember my group got ong yew gin and ahh crap i can't rememeber was it bryan. but then sometimes suddenly i became a video game character or sth and also become like a movie character. ai ya it was really stupid la. we were supposed to go catch like bad guys or sth. then the weird thing was this woman gave me the instruction to get cytology after catching the bad guys. cytology is like when u've some cough and fever then i swab ur throat and look on the microscope to see if i can see anything or sth like that la. in the dream i was thinking, what the heck why get cytology. i actually asked the woman," cytology as in microscopy ah?" but she left or sth. hahha quite funny. but like ya the dream we were running here and there like church camp amazing race game liddat. haha.

okk i go do my stuff now

2009-08-20T20:52:00.005+08:00

since i'm pretty bored now. i figured why don't i write sth here. i'm lying down on my bed now. my hips and knees are flexed and the macbook is on my lap, my head is straining up to look at the screen. my nose was runny today so i wanted to have a nap and then wake up and maybe read sth but then i couldn't really go to sleep. so i turned on my mac.

so i'm sort of in a pensive mood now. i dun even know if that's the correct word but like, imagine this i'm in my room, it's all dark, i'm lying down here feeling bored and thinking of things, so like ya, pensive mood? haha.

ok i just took quite a long while to think of what to write. ok why don't i just update everyone what i'm doing now. so i've finished my obstetrics and gynaecology posting. i'm doing diagnostic radiology which ends tmr. then i'm starting paediatrics(children medicine) on monday. so paeds is my last major posting this year. it lasts for 8 weeks.

the things that are my priority now are cultivating a deeper more personal walk with God. reading more christian books, reading the bible, listening to sermons. studies should occupy a large part of my time but unfortunately i find it hard to sit down and study at home, unless of course there's a test looming around the corner and the stress that comes with it. soccer is one of my interests now and i spend a bit of time on that. saturdays and maybe sundays. socialising has been largely reduced, for a few reasons. 1, i'm lazy to ask people out, 2, don't really feel like asking anyone out, 3, don't really feel like going out. 4, don't really see much point in meeting anyone in particular now. hahaha. i guess i've become a little antisocial but well i've always been a bit antisocial i guess, though many would disagree.

i wished i could improve my guitar skills but ya i haven't really sat down and practised.

i have to start running once a week or more, cos i'm gonna run standard chartered marathon..

i would also like to spend more time with my mom and dad.

i wished i could learn a new language.

at the end of the day, my efforts are still rather widespread. life must be focused right. i read that from growing deep in God by edmund chan. he says we should list out what are the things that are impt to us, and simplify our life. i think for me now it would be growing deep in God, helping others to grow deep in God, sports, studies.

ok this is an abrupt end. haha.

2009-08-15T22:50:00.002+08:00

hi. today i had my last exam for my obs and gynae posting. yayyy yippee.. i did a like mini goal celebration thingy when the bell rang at the end of the exam.. i'm a bit lazy to talk about the details of my exam. it might be boring to you if u don't study medicine anyway. the main thing is that it is like a 14 station thingy. with 10 mins in each station. and each station is 10 mins. like u go in and there's a scenario, for example 35 year old lady comes to your clinic requesting contraception by intrauterine contraceptive advice. please counsel her. (that was my first question by the way). ok anyway i won't bore u anymore. but i'm just thankful that the test is over and i think i did ok. haha yup the mcqs and essays were worse than this i'm pretty sure. k thank God for everything..

2009-08-14T13:10:00.002+08:00

today for my test, i knew that mcqs were 40 mins and essays were 1 hour. but i don't know why somehow my brain just programmed itself to think mcqs were 1 hour, which means 9-10. so i did my mcqs rather carefully, checking the time routinely and made sure i was on track. after doing about 25 questions, the clock read 925am so means i thought i had 35 mins to finish 15 qns. so i breathed easier and continued doing. at 942am, the invigilator started going around collecting the omr forms and i was like ohhhh... myyy....... goodnesss....... what theee............. this feeling of impending doom swept over me and i could feel like adrenaline kicking up my heart rate and this weird feeling came over my hands. i still had 5 questions or so left. i read thru each question for like 20 seconds and couldn't digest it and in the end just like anyhow choose. i can't even remember what the last 5 questions were. honestly. it was that bad. haha. the invigilator came over when i was still doing the last 2 mcqs and she was nice and allowed me to finish. i was worried i ate into my essay time but in the end i had more than enough time for the essays. sucks that i screwed the essays part a bit but oh well it's time to leave the past behind and look to my big test tmr. the big and final one before i say bye to obstetrics and gynaecology. definitely very glad to do so.